Overwhelming Ambition.

Dreams are usually my dearest form of company. Too many nights before I sleep, I imagine myself translating those dreams into reality, feeling the sheer pleasure and enthusiasm as I become the person I wish I could be.

However, at times my dreams overwhelm me and I become too attached to them.. the ambition turns to a troublesome anxiety that keeps me restless and turns my goals into perfectionistic realities that don't usually occur in real life.. I become restless, lost in terms of what I'm supposed to do to make those dreams come true. I spend the night planning my days to be more productive and achievement-oriented, but most of the time, they never go as planned.

I am ambitious, and it is a blessing. I love conquering the hardships, pushing myself past my zeal passionately, going through enjoyable experiences. My dreams shift from being a teacher to a headmistress, a holistic nutritionist.. a life coach.. a therapist.. an adventurous naturalist.. and my head swirls uncontrollably as I'm unable to realise who I'm going to be. Today spins out of control and I suffer from panic attacks, feeling as if the present moment leads me to a vacuum of confusion and loneliness. But I realised, it doesn't have to be this way.

I know that many people struggle with feelings of anxiety about what's to come, especially when their passions are not specialised but overly general and vague. But that's okay, not everyone is meant to know their exact pathway.. I think being uncertain is beneficial as it causes us to exert less control on our futures.. sometimes we want to control everything we are knowledgeable of, plan for the most trivial details which makes us less connected with the world and energies around us. Sometimes you just have to go with the flow and listen to the omens surrounding you and act accordingly. It's okay to make ambition a part of your identity, but do not let it govern your whole life. It's healthy to relax and be unproductive every once in a while, especially when there aren't any cues that guide you towards a specific goal or target, and that would be a chance to find pleasure in those little baby steps that complete the gaps in your identity.

For a perfectionist, it's difficult to let ambition and drive go. Your day will come in the perfect timing, so it's essential to preserve your energy and keep it wholesome and vibrant when it is unmistakably needed. Just remember that balance is crucial, and it allows your soul to soar above the realms of daily life, making you extraordinarily aware of your purpose. Make sure you know that you were created for a reason, and the universe listens to your needs everyday. Once you are fully tapped into the mindful awareness, you'll realise it. :)