A day without anxiety.

I'm currently wearing my dad's olive-green polar, which isn't providing me with the comfort and warmth I expected. Perhaps the problem is too inherent, you know, because I have this Hashimoto's thyroid disease that makes cold-blooded all the time. And that brings me back to the point where I ask, what the hell is happening to the weather? I remember the mild Egyptian weather with the soothing warm sunshine that leaves you in eternal comfort. The sun shines these days, yes. But there is an inexorable chill that makes the sunshine rather obsolete. Or maybe it's just me. I don't know, I just detest the winter pain.

I had this really unearthly conversation with my friend Mariam yesterday, and we talked about our ambitions. Both of us have this heartening purpose within us, and sadly we feel kind of left out from this unappreciative society. Lately, I've been struggling with thoughts that make me feel so inadequate, so unaccomplished because my aspirations were soaring higher each time I made a baby step towards them. Consequently, I'd feel awfully small.
So, my friend opened up my eyes to baby steps. I knew that I had to recognise them one day, especially those halting baby steps towards health, but my efforts were to no avail. I still had no faith in them whatsoever. But my beautiful amazing friend told me she had been there too. We kept talking about keeping our focus to the present time, concentrating our perception on the little moments that make a day abundant and plentiful. I'd often sleep really unsatisfied with my efforts but I think I'm about to change that. I'm about to make a mind shift that is about to change everything. (More omens).

So I woke up before six am, feeling too cold, but still okay. I took a couple of mindful breaths before my morning prayer, then I had a morning snack of banana-orange and orange peel-cinnamon-coconut cake. Yeah, my dad enjoys making cakes like those, I don't fancy cakes and neither does he but well, I was so hungry and even if I weren't, I enjoy having mini breakfasts at 6 am, right after waking up. Then, I headed to work and I met the really kind and appreciating teacher I'm assisting, who handed me a pile of uncorrected essays to be marked. I had fun, actually. I adore pointing out the mistakes and just responding to each one of them differently, keeping the disposition and character of the student in mind. I love how I could sense whether the student was just messing around, or painstakingly exerting meaningful effort. I'm so into teaching, obviously. Not to mention, I was cold cold cold all the time. Meh.

I then went home, made myself some cinnamon tea (which didn't really warm me up) and proceeded in making flow charts of organisation behaviour chapters, allowing the information to settle in my mind for good. Afterwards, I researched on direct and indirect speech because it's been a lifetime of unfamiliarity with English grammar.. it kind of helped me correct the work I brought home with me.

I had a thick steaming bowl of lentil soup, which is just a heavenly concussion of veggies and health. God, I'd love to post a recipe of it.. maybe one day.

Then I had a session of thoughts about becoming a vegan. Surely that cannot happen now, but I shall post about it soon. I am not dead set for nor against it, but it's just a thought I'm considering. It can benefits me in miscellaneous ways, if I do it correctly and develop a soulful commitment to it.

I had a few lisps of honey which satisfied my after-protein sugar cravings, and now I'm taking this teaching course which is definitely an eye-opener for signs of passion. My growing interest for it shows me that I have an awakening intuition that could eventually guide me- somewhere.

I didn't really think about tomorrow. I didn't think if I was doing enough or not. I primarily focused my thoughts of the little simple tasks and you know what? I do feel grateful and balanced and not even a bit anxious, thank God. I'll try that out. Thank you, M.

So expect a post on veggie-fruity thoughts soon! :)