a daylight dream

The faint light is flowing by the eastern corner of our room and my eyes meet life. I take a deep breath and look at you, sleeping, and a swelling wave of gratitude soaks me, hides deep inside of this rattling cage of a heart and never finds a way out. Slowly, I walk away, outside. My footsteps are strides, following a calming echo of the ripples embracing the banks of that little stream we adore, touching the mouldy moss surrounding it. The ripples are reflecting ethereally infinite flickers of the eastern light and they glow in my eyes, and I’m nothing but this reflection of what I see, my vision fixated on my own soul, wrinkly as the water moves back and forth. I close my eyes, and as always, I remember you . I remember you in these moments of darkness because I need your enlightenment. For a long time, I’ve lived with my whole shame and guilt put upfront, facing the world. I live a long time shying away from the truth, from my darkness and demons, and I pretend that th...

I think it’s our nature to react to things happening around us and actually  feel. Meaning, feeling daunted, joyful, anxious and thrilled according to circumstances. That’s a very ordinary human trait, which doesn’t excite me. I always tend to move away from what is ordinary and be somehow supernatural, to experience a newer and unique state of existence. It always disappoints me when I find myself reacting with rapture or melancholy because I always intend to practice a state of mind which I find so beautiful, and it’s called equanimity . The philosophy behind equanimity is to feel calm and at peace no matter what happens; this ethereal state of trust and faith that leaves you unmoved yet deeply light and grateful. I believe there is grace in that, facing all situations with ultimate acceptance and forgiveness, allowing the mind to stay present and submissive. However, I think I always fall into that hole of trying to practise it, that act of letting go, and then ...

Your value is your pain. Your value is what fixates you, what keeps you thinking day and night, trying your best to resolve your worries. Your value is what you keep pondering about, imagining, daydreaming and idealising. It’s what you envision your life to be. It’s that missing puzzle piece. Your value is when you go out there to the world to pursue it. To test your limits. To see what actually happens when you  try . Your value is when you realise that your life is a journey and as you go outside of your head and start doing the things that make meaning to you, you’ll attract the ultimate abundance you’re craving— that beautiful fulfilment, gratitude and acceptance for what is Your value is when you realise that you’re humble enough to learn and be taught as you go. Because when you’re trying for the first time, things won’t go as expected. Things will be really messy and chaotic, but your value is persevering and keeping that ideal, that solution to all what’...

Oh, dearest June has gone. How I love June and it’s summery, mild vibes. How I love summer, in general— the prolonged sunshine, blue skies and greenery. This June was a little bit too kind, despite my expectations for a turbulent one. Here I will tell you why. June was all about uncertainty from the very first day as I was in that plane to Poland. I usually ride a plane feeling extremely thrilled and filled with inextinguishable exuberance, watching the terrains from up above. However, this time, I was actually very uncertain of everything. I was anxious, acceptant, hopeful and rather apathetic, too. I didn’t have any plans or solidified intentions. I didn’t even know what I would do with my time this summer. Yet, as the days went by, being outside in the fresh air, eating healthily and taking care of myself, ideas came to rejuvenate my own existence. I was freshened by revelations and actionable steps to take towards a goal, which is also lavishly uncerta...

Being with my sister now, as she is transitioning from the innocence of childhood to turbulent adolescence, I can see the essence of our humanity shaping up in her ever so prominently. And as much as I am thrilled by what I can find, it is also painful, because there are so many things to deal with being a human; so many mixed emotions and revealed identities we don’t want to face. Its quite inexorable. I can see it now in my sister how it is painful to accept ourselves. I wonder if it was ever simple to change and be more aware without going through this resistance and confusion of letting things go. I see it when we break down, cry or feel utter sadness— do we tell ourselves that we are loved? Do we accept it? I wonder if it was ever embedded in our essence to be filled with dread towards ourselves when we aren’t feeling well. I wonder if it is something we have actually learned when we were growing up. My sister is currently shaping up. She is changing, becoming more aw...

It took this moment just a bend in the road, a little perfect visualisation of a road-less-travelled-by, to get to a breeze which reminded me of a fresh, mine of earth. The wind swept the sounds to my ears, rustles of leaves and stems sliding over each other, and all of a sudden, I can be true to the world; grateful and grounded, resilient to all changes. And here I can readily close my eyes to be at peace with whatever is. I can try to make intentions to be the best person I can be everyday, although it’s formidable to live up those expectations and be the ideal cloud of dreams that I carry everywhere. But all of this doesn’t matter. You’re here, carrying above you a rainbow of ideals that I love to see. Even with my eyes closed, I feel you there, your hands entwined around mine, feeling our distance multiply by halves of halves and further till we can syncopate the experience of being human together. Till we can see the exact spectrum inside of our heads — and it’s beaut...

In a distance that estranges, Our lively happenings, Far apart in disparate worlds, Secrets hidden for right timings, Truths kept aside in fear, The revelations of what is so dear, Entwined by some hopeful prophecy. And we plant the same seeds, Under different phases of the moon, We will grow in different shades, Of green and maroon, In some time and space, Unrecognizable eyes will meet each other, Will I know you? Will you be the anthem of your soul? This distance is ghostly, It will keep haunting me, With the poetry of you, The unearthly side I know. And perhaps that is beautiful, That I hold complexity so entrancing, Keeping you at a safe bay, But every once in a while, You will choose to stay— Won’t you? In times spent alone, You are still close, Your name spelled out in fields, My heart dearly owns. Wherever you are, That distance multiplied by half; Our coordinates on this map, Your hands wrapped around mi...

Lately, I’ve been focusing on the abundant energy in our world. I was trying to figure out how different it is from the aspect of scarcity, where everything lacks and isn’t enough. Most of us view the world in terms of how scarce resources and opportunities are and unconsciously disregard that there is another perspective so magical and ever-flowing, which is abundance . Abundance means viewing the world and your environment with the eyes that there is enough for everyone. There is enough food, air, water, opportunities, health, jobs, money, relationships— everything in general. It’s letting go of the restriction that reigns the competition nowadays and thinking in terms that growth is exponential and compounded, and you can always gain more and more if you set your mind to and go through the adversities willingly. With this mindset, for a few days, I realised how abundant blessings are. Not personally, but in the world. In our Earth. This immense energy that is withhe...

Here is the s econd time I go to a dainty, quiet town and slowly fall in love. Last July, on a trip to the north-west coast of Poland, we happened to stay at a town near the border of Germany called Ahlbeck. Isn’t this such an inscrutable name? I hold so much respect for towns which are named so royally. So, literally speaking, we crossed the border as casually as taking a stroll by the beach. It was a beautiful experience, and that’s why I want to document all of those magical, mystical vibes in dearest Ahlbeck. So Ahlbeck lies on the coast of the Baltic sea, touching Polish grounds immeasurably. One moment you're there and a few steps later, you're in Swinoujcie. Around this moment of transition, there's a merge of German and Polish words in the air, so it's really difficult to know where you are. I love that, actually. So, when we decided to visit Ahlbeck, we walked along the coast to this spectacular view. What mesmerised me is how the German coasts might...

It’s been almost a week since I’ve arrived to Poland and it feels as if I never left it. Everything is just the way it was, like I was moulded into this little town, and every shade of green doesn’t seem any different. Even the fragrance of the minty pines do not captivate me, for they linger in my nostrils, and bear cones in my lungs.   How has it been? It’s been beautiful, lately. Riding the plane was captivating, for there were Alps and fiords to see. I lost myself in that little plane window, reflecting back on how my heart felt. I also listened to podcasts and ventured deep into reasons, discovering how things work. Instead of excitement, I felt this solemn serenity that encompasses acceptance and resilience. Hope swelled within me, but it didn’t bring about all of those wonderful and high expectations. It was a different experience, I must admit. To see my sister and hold her tight in the airport was phenomenal. I just can’t believe we love each other so m...