have I limited my horizons?

 I went for my first walk in around a month and it was quite mesmerising. the word is surely preparing itself for spring in the most subtle ways— buds cocooned in cold, dry calyxes, birds circling around treetops and the weather reaching its climax in riveting winds, rains and snowfalls. they greyness is infinite, coalescing in a million shades, turning the experience of existence in one of eyes praying and longing for the sun.

on my walk, I thought about labels and boxes. so much of adulthood is in putting confining definitions to our lives in a naive effort to describe who we are. I thought about how many times I have introduced myself to others lately— having to answer quite definitive questions about my path. who I am is usually equivalent to what I do and it’s no surprise why it daunts me to meet adults and have to prepare answers that authentically capture my essence.

but you see, we were never meant to be labelled into boxes— personality structures, career prospects and idealogical beliefs. rather, we are a continuum of who we become shaped up to be. I can see it now that it limited me greatly to put myself into the box of being an educator and just that. saying “no” to everything which did not fit the frame of the picture I had for myself.

the word “yes” expands us in so many ways, doesn’t it? it allows us to see ourselves through many lenses, still being who we always were. how was I was too afraid to lose myself experiencing the magnitude of life?

I am the dream of becoming. the dream of being what’s meant to be. the flow of this little life of mine is an ocean I pray to surrender to. here is to being present, for the ultimate goal of this life is verily death, not some kind of finite goal or vision we attach ourselves to.

so what if I all the things I lost that defined me were the most freeing gift from God? detaching from being a teacher, detaching from my routines, belongings and walks around the block. as long as it is the same sky, and we are still in the same universe, nothing can be lost for good.

the soul is infinite— and it is a reverent, spiritual experience to allow it to gain infinitude. expanding with flow, adding meaning to passing moments with an expression of gratitude. 

that’s how my heart sees it now.