letting it be.

 I am learning that healing is not about what your working through in diligence and persistence, but the nonchalance in letting things be.

healing at its roots is the most complex non-linear sprouting of beingness I’ve ever seen. it overwhelms a devoted heart by the many ways it can manifest, but at its heart, it is truly the simplest display. just as the stars beam in graceful softness, so does our humanness. it never was but the ease in it all.

I’m learning that healing strains itself when we hold on to its difficulty. but we recognise it when we do things that may seem childish, but stem with so much inner, all-encompassing love. it may look like choosing that friend to see, that cup of coffee to sip slowly, that extra hour of sleep. it may be that ‘no’ to an extra bite, or a ‘yes’ to a fancy restaurant with a luxurious view. it may be that feeling that you’re beautiful and deserving. it may be that gift you’re buying for someone you love. it may be the sleep I’m losing waiting for him to come home, just because I know my soul loves seeing my smile in his.

I’m learning to recognise that I don’t need so much to heal. as messy as it is, as much as it required all these extra bike rides ridden with tears, scratched diary pages and moments of utter helplessness and desperation, as much as it all was an allowance for grace and receivership.

and I’m learning that growth is but the capacity of one’s soul to take in an experience with the path of least resistance. even when it’s so ugly I want to disappear. but there’s courage in not silencing it and letting the storm pass. letting it be.

I intend to allow myself the growth in building myself to be as human as I can. to be a soul, too, but through the body, through the mud, through the dirt first and foremost. the roots must take hold for everything else to be limitlessly free.