i’m sorry..

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I’m sorry for speaking of the secret when I do not know its magnitude, for speaking of the gift without seeing You first,  that my gaze was not in its right place. It’s oftentimes so hard to see You midst all of this: the paradox and its oneness, the dissolution and becoming, till I don’t know which is which.


so broken in this love. infinitely heartbroken waiting for my beloved. to my innermost silence I return till no one finds me but You. till all the echoes of this world die down and I can hear the peaceful silence of your undying stream. 


I’m sorry, even if I don’t know why.


should you fare far from me, meet me in your heart, my love, even when you feel that death is near. a while of remembrance is the sweetest lifetime. a glimpse of truth shines your sky and breaks you if you’ve sailed too far from those little ripples leading you home..


oh, home.. 


an airplane has taken off once more and a heart is in midair, unsettled in transition. the landing was fleetingly lovely, but that too, is not home.


perhaps no one would ever truly understand why i never feel at home. i’ve stopped explaining, even to myself. i’ve stopped wanting the reasons to know why it feels so desolate some Friday afternoon, when the pain is beautifully felt and the tears of surrender stream toward the rivers of love.


i no longer feel the need to dream of truth. it is anyhow here.


love is a moon of peace in the darkest skies of fear. just as we held hands in nothingness.. this, I cannot forget. just as He held my heart when I was wilting in my doubt..


one day, when I see you, we shall tell the stories of time.. in the silent gaze and river of tears.

going with grace in an inscrutable world.

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