nothing without the heart.

 


I learned something crucial about myself lately. It’s astoundingly significant that I never thought I’d be so lost without it.. it’s my heart.

Oh, it is only my heart that makes me who I am. My heart sees.. it directs and guides me towards the sweetest spaces where healing is needed. It shows me the language I need to speak gently and mentor with graciousness. It holds on to dreams and enchants my whole body to roam towards them without needing to pay so much attention. My heart creates experiences, loves, feels utmost gratitude and intensifies every moment with a river of eternal meaning.


It is my heart that allows me softness and ease of the journey. It envelops me in awe, tears all my fear apart and drowns in me genuine devotion. It envisions and imagines, decides and intends. It is my heart that liberates love from every exchange and every notion. It is the energy of my heart that pulls me towards dearest daylight dreams.


Lately, my heart had been locked so tightly and pressed into dark crevices so out of reach, and nothing was able to wake it up from its sleep. Perhaps it was tired from feeling too much, or maybe I’ve cursed its infinite capacity to feel and leave me exhausted in its servitude. Now that my heart song is asleep, I don’t know where to go, what to do and how to start. Oh, I’m so lost without my heart— without the love it showers me with.


I have made a mistake and it is forgiven. I have wished and prayed for my heart to stop being so demanding. I prayed that it would stop waking me up at night pleading for eyes listening to its dearest visions. I wanted it to stop consuming me, attacking me with too much to feel when I wanted to truly surrender earthly life.


I forgive myself for not appreciating my heart. Life is so unbearably and inexorably dull without its presence. Life is so narrow, confining and demanding without your magic, dear heart. I miss you, and I never thought I’d miss you like this.


It is time to pray for my heart again, and all the rivers it will drown me in.

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