an ancient nothingness.

the day starts and we go separate ways to serve the world with gifts and bright, reverent hearts. like birds that come into murmurations and disperse, i find myself in places and conversations i have never planned. and so do you, but our hearts are bound to be where love is.

when evening falls, i come home with an exhausted smile and broken heart from all the beauty that has surpassed the day. lately, there is this halo of surrendered love that follows me everywhere, humbling the smallest features of my face and softening my slowest steps. i come home with it, and here, it multiplies in wordless togetherness, a million times more blinding near your presence.

our togetherness is different than i expected it to be, love. there is much more silence than i could have imagined. but it reminds me of the sweetest silence that prevailed before i knew your name, when this ancient love was only a comforting truth echoing in my chest; a fractal, an extrapolation of God’s fabric of love coating this universe.

you seem to observe it, too, for we spend the time with one another in soft smiles and sensing the warmth that clambers our entireties in presence of selflessness. and when the lights are down at home and we lie in bed, it is only the light within us that we can truly see.

in togetherness, there are more sleepless nights than i’ve dreamed. i lie awake as the hours pass by timelessly, feeling a spiral of light glowing within me, annihilating all my doubt. at moments like those, my cold fingers find yours, and there is an understanding which needs no medium of translation between our intertwined souls.

“where does this love come from?” i stare into the abyss of this room, whispering softly, knowing your eyes are as sleepless as mine.

i don’t hear from you for a while, and i appreciate it. between us, there is nothing but an authentic voice sounding the deepest hums of our hearts. i smile into the mystery of it, the elusive sweetness in having had a glimpse of the truth, but not the whole of it.

“an ancient nothingness.”

you whimper it, as if it has cleansed you to say it. i close my eyes, tears staining my pale cheeks. and i die, again, and again and again.