Tonight, I Feel Safe.

This world is coming to an end, I know. Signs ascertain that the little ruptures at the seams of breakthroughs will not only be followed by remarkable happenings but deeply tormenting ones, too.

It is alienating to notice how worrying things are on the earthly side of life. Today, I was trying to convince a couple of boys in my class that touching people’s bodies, especially in the context of hitting girls, is a wrong thing to do, and they were not convinced. They thought one little hit did not hurt at all.

Well, everything happening on the outside just confirms the certain nudges I had towards particular ways of living. For example, choosing not to have a TV at home. Goodness, I think it’s the TV being turned on most of the time is that has caused people to accept violence and crossing boundaries when the eyes are accustomed to seeing people fight and shoot profanities so ordinarily. Also, the nudge towards living outdoors more, interacting with wildlife and ‘real’ people stands to reason when most kids I see these days prefer not to play but simply sit on their phones and have a day off, being invisible.

I feel safe for my heart is shielded against the tumultuous insanities out there. I feel estranged and empathetic, too. It makes so insecure to feel so insignificant before all the things I can’t change, for their impact has already been so deeply engrained and it would so much effort to dig up the roots of what modernization has inflicted upon humanity.

I feel safe since there are a few souls responding. Today, we took dead sunflowers and extracted the seeds, then planted them at the school’s entrance. We marveled at how from a few seeds, we could have a whole nursery (or a university, as one of my learners said) of hundreds of even more seeds. We had such an enchanting quality time, talking of unimportant things in life, simply connecting and being there.

I believe the less we are busying our minds with dreams and positive outlooks, the more we are prone to becoming torn apart by all the hyperbolic variables out there. Oh, I come home each day rather dried up from all the times I tap into unconsciousness. Unfortunately, I shouted at a boy in class today for he was beating some girls and bullying them. I did give him many chances to improve his behavior— but he did not. Deep inside, I know he is simply longing to be seen. His excessive energy is not being utilized and I can’t see beyond what he is doing right now. My heart is longing for a way to help him, and so I’ll try again tomorrow to make him ground all the electricity he keeps emoting in class. Perhaps asking him to draw something or write about his thoughts would make him feel calmer, more at ease and more focused— giving him a chance to connect to himself.

Still, I’m safe that I have an all-encompassing bed of forgiving reflections to attend to at nightfall. Yes, my mind is all over the place and there is a lingering headache there, but redirecting my intentions to bigger truths and overarching patterns is always calming. My lifelong challenge is to commit to seeing people, tirelessly.

I shall leave you here to pray slowly before putting myself to bed. It’s so eight o’clock outside— dark and still. I smile knowing that my dearest dream is to see as many souls as I can and to lead them towards passion and seeing the world in a more intimate and compassionate way, capturing love that exists so freely, only if chosen to believe in it.

I believe in safety accompanied by having faith to keep going. I see you, my dearest dreams. I shall see you in hindsight emerging ever so celestially.