Becoming Nobody.

I wrote a poem the other day, about being nobody. As much as it was short and descriptive, an underlying concept resonated with me immensely. It's something that has to do with my archetype, I guess, which tempts to overly strive to stand out. I secretly enjoy being different, being somebody uncommon, taking people by surprise. I do cringe when I admit so, as it's not something I'm proud of. Such a disposition intensifies my ego's presence and does not work well in times of failure.

Yet, through the happenings of this year and a couple of months before, I was least concerned with trying to leave an impression. Most of my focus was directed towards being and taking multiple leaps of faith in my own journey. It wasn't really about proving anything to anyone or trying to stand out amid the crowd, but it wasn't until that day I wrote the poem that I felt the grandness of being nobody at all.

When I'm a nobody, I seem to forget the material world and immerse my soul into the oceans of passionate endeavors, rarely focusing on how much time has passed, how much time is left and stressing over petty matters which resolve themselves naturally. When I'm a nobody, my heart is the closest voice I listen to, and all of my intellectual alerts of comparison just fade in the background, until they're called for. When I'm a nobody, effortlessness seems to prevail and there is no resistance whatsoever, it's just a rosy flow of inspiration and breakthroughs, unfolding in the most intricate moment, right where it belongs.

When I'm a nobody, I become more loving. I become less needy, occupying less space  in 'lack' and an infinite place in 'wholeness', where all is well and collectively perfect. I become more selfless, less concerned of my past and future, judgements, mistakes and hurt. Nothing but the generous 'now' takes shape to create the most spellbinding things. My restlessness perishes, the melancholy drowns before the influx of love and I feel ready for anything, even readier to depart this world, because I was never someone there.

I don't know how I found my soul in 'nobody', but I reckon it's through awareness. Taking time to pause ever so often, despite the resistance that stops me from looking up and moving away from my chair. Taking time to notice that something in me is just eternal, never-ending, all-aware and present, despite being alive or dead. That awareness is just so powerfully striking that it strips me from any delusional thought-pattern, everything falls into place and perspective, and all what matters is serving my truest purpose.

I like being a nobody. It's like living in a shell of magical secrets. I like not being known, not being great at anything in particular. I like not competing, not fretting, not surviving. I like being in a disposition of constant creation, excessive inflows of trust and peace seem to just prevail so effortlessly. I like being a fragment of love's wholeness, that accepts all as is, without needing more. I like it when my heart stretches so wide to receive what my pain has told me I do not deserve. I like it when I liberate from all what is limiting and belittling, because nothing can belittle or limit a 'nobody'.

After all, I'm aware that my humanity, my 'somebody', is a temporary experience. What will I take with me when I'm gone keeps eluding me. I know I'll be taking something, something inherent and cardinally invisible, which is this eternal awareness. I want it clear, unperturbed, free and full of love.

I trust that all my dreams will come true. I trust that I'll make a difference to this world the more I lean in to my truest nature and most timeless state of being. I trust that all will fall into place, and I don't have to really worry about being greater than a 'nobody'.

For nothing amounts to our infinite nature.