A Long Time Away.

Good morning dearest ones! I am writing this to you on an icy morning on my way to school and I realised that it’s been quite a lengthy time without posting anything on this blog, which is quite saddening. I do love writing but I pulled myself away from it deliberately the last couple of weeks in order to discover the purpose behind it all.

So, how has it been? I had had a great time, perhaps quite immersed in university-work, but I managed, thankfully. Even though my day was packed, I did manifest abundance to my time and it always felt quite enough. That was very reassuring indeed.

Why didn’t I write? Hmm, most probably, it’s because my soul was not introspective enough. In university and school, I am constantly putting myself out there, outside of my comfort zone, acting like an enthusiastic leader, sending off sparks of passion and energy. I’ve had so much energy to release with my work and the kind of conversations that I have with others. I was acting like an extrovert most of the time, speaking too much and staying silent too little, which now, I realise, is not the best state for me to be in.

I’ve had those days when I’d come home and feel terribly exhausted and all over the place. It would somehow feel like being surrounded by electrical charges, swimming above my head. Then, like an epiphany, I remembered a time in eleventh grade when I decided to isolate myself in the classroom, away from my best friends, and be silent. It was one of the most transformative decisions I’ve taken, because it’s quite different to just take a step back, be aware and view the world from a third point of view. I smiled at the memory and decided I should do it all again, and here I am, plunging into the experience wholeheartedly.

So, recently, I just stopped using social media. I stopped replying to messages and initiating conversations. I’m silent, speaking softly and observant. I don’t need to lead in this state and I don’t need to prove anything, and this is how I feel so authentic and genuine. I’m just me, without having to really defend my intentions or talk about them. I’m just Soraya, ordinary, quietly living a mystical, inscrutable life.

I can sense how I’ve regained most of my energy as I become aware of how grounded I’ve become and even more self-disciplined. It’s my favourite way to live, honestly. I cannot wait to take this time truly away, to be introspective and genuinely me. I can’t wait to start reading fiction and writing about otherworldly thoughts. I’m excitedly looking forward to receiving new epiphanies and perhaps, still maintain my passion for leadership in a uniquely silent and thoughtful way. What if it is possible?

So, I’ve been away for some time, but most truthfully, I’ve been away from myself. Now that I’m trotting towards ‘her’ again, I can be here more often. I can stand in the streets just I am right now, watching the crimson glow beneath the colossal, heavy December clouds and not be afraid of showing up today.

Alas, there is nothing to prove. I can be who I truly am, and that’s beautiful to think of. I’m just grateful that I get the chance to exist.

I hope you’re grateful, too. :)