Humility.

Those past few weeks, I’ve learned a crucial lesson that has engrained an impact so profound. The impact is disappointing and sad and I know that many can relate to this, especially as we start the second decade in life. Here we are, with spirits laden with enthusiasm and ideals and are pushed out to face the world with its evilness and flaws.

Then, we realise we are the flawed.

I realised that I’m awfully flawed, in almost everything. This realisation keeps me from resting those days and I can’t keep my mind from thinking of endless ways to be better because I just cannot tolerate the amount of mistakes I’m making any longer. I know I should be gentle and acceptant but, I have so much to work on. Being exposed to the real adult world has shown me how far away I am from reaching my ideals and dreams, the ones I visualised to be smooth and effortless to reach. Yes, they are coated in passion and love, which makes it easier to keep up. It makes it easier to come home and want to work on making it better than it really is, but it does not whatsoever alter the experience of quandary. It does not make it less challenging.

Perhaps it should be challenging, and that’s a virtue. But I never thought it would be this hard to feel so small and way behind everyone else in terms of being experienced and professional. To add value in the society is an artistic process which needs to be intricately managed and catered for— it’s not luck and talent all by itself. There is this constant wheel of improvement to get ourselves into, to sustain this value.

I’ve been awfully overwhelmed because I am particularly flawed. I’ve always known this. Ive always feared this, but now to see my flaws and lack of experience out there is rather humiliating and frustrating, in a good way. It’s even motivating. I think I should expect less of myself these days, to forgive the fact that I am still starting my way and it’s not possible to master anything in a few weeks or months. This takes years. Passion will sustain me through it all. It will make it worthwhile.

I am acceptant. I know that this journey will teach me a lot, through feelings I’ve never experienced before. I shall come out more courageous to be vulnerable and deal with my flaws. I shall come out of this more mature. I will come out with all the lessons reaped from the many many mistakes I’m making every single day.

I wish we all had an opportunity to be surrounded by people who listen to us without judgements during those challenging times for we are not alone. I wish we were all able to talk about our journeys openly, unafraid of the vulnerability that leaves us too honest and authentic. I wish we all had the chance to be human.

We need to take pride in humility. It’s there for a reason— to soften our egos. It brings us back to ourselves and our true needs; this is the perfect time to learn boundlessly. We have got nothing to lose.

We need to feel proud of ourselves, no matter how small we are.