August: A Farewell

I was supposed to post this by the end of August, but just couldn't. My reality by that time was dismantling and I couldn't really get myself to reflect subjectively. August had been the same ever since 2010. But now that some time has passed and a recognition of presence returned, I can reflect upon it all positively. August has simply taught me that my fears are never the sole face of truth.

Here is what I planned on posting but did not.

"So here is August, ending in a swift pace. This month always reminds me of how much time can truly speed, forcing me to cherish beautiful moments as they pass by. I'm fascinated by all of those momentary memories, as when one holds them close, they fill the mind with beauty and gratitude, it's not a practice to be taken for granted, by any means.

It had been such a beautiful month, though I experienced quite a few challenges. The beginning was stormed with an episode of disconnection and miscommunication; I don't really believe in astrology but perhaps it was Mercury's retrograde that inspired this bizarre lack of belonging and inability to express thoughts and feelings wisely and fluently. For this, I experienced many arguments with my father, convincing him of my viewpoints in some issues I hold sacred, which didn't end up so gracefully. I'm still learning how to be free despite others' criticisms and objections, still learning to make sure they don't tumble the fundamental values I believe in, but to listen to omens objectively, to choose what to believe and what not to. But in those tough moments, I learned what resistance signifies. I learned that when resistance arises, effort shouldn't be exerted to change things. It's a sign that readiness has not been fulfilled and one should practise ease. I've always wanted to go against resistance, to fight it, but this only causes chaos and stress. Sometimes I want to desperately reach out and change things, but resistance disturbs the flow, and I think the best way is to be aware of its existence and listen to what it has to say. It's such a valuable lesson.

August is all about saying goodbye to beautiful memories, ones that I hold so dear, because I am a person who values the importance of family. I will deeply miss my sister and her wild soul, as well as my kind mother. I will miss those trivial ordinary moments. I have to even be strong enough to say goodbye to them and experience the pain it shall inspire. I will have to cry. I won't keep it inside. I will let pain transform into something beautiful indeed, to deepen my beliefs in such a practice. I will have to be authentic and let go of the resistance needed to force a smile on my face when all I want to do is breakdown. Perhaps it's challenging to say the truth, but ethereally worthwhile.

I loved going to the mountains, feeling at home betwixt the natural phenomena, grounded by the presence of varied representations of life. The climbs up taught me many lessons, as well as the way down. We all presume that downhills are easier but they hold treachery and egotism. It is meant to reinforce the humbleness one should wear despite the pride of success and reaching the peaks of endeavours. Unless that is realised, one could suffer from a quick fall, due to the lack of awareness of the cues that allows us to sustain those peaks and even honour the fluctuations experienced to keep going further. We need to go down every once in a while, to experience the life midst darkness and dense life happenings. One cannot soar forever.

The weather is changing here considerably. The sun has changed its position in the sky, and even the planets do not appear in time as they once did. The sunrise is late, the night longer and the birds have left and commenced their journey to Africa. Those changes sadden me, but it is the cycle of life. It is the cycle to honour and to learn from, embed in our existence.

A part of me is also filled with motivation and inspiration and I've got so many intentions for the autumn. Many new beginnings and endeavours to start. I am really excited and it allows my heart to flutter despite the uneasy atmosphere this goodbye is creating. I'm grateful for everything this summer has given me; too grateful that I feel some tears swelling in my eyes as I write this down. I am verily enraptured by the kindness that the world beholds in its arms, so awakened by its beauty and mystery.

Thank you, and goodbye, dearest August."

August had been just the sound a window opening. It was the cloud of dust and rust when windows are closed for so long. A new beginning is welcomed, with it a fresher view.