This December.

                                                                    Pictures from Poland.

The year is ageing with the foggy mornings, indefinite clouds and winds blowing from the south. It’s rather queer to have December like that; unclear, sunshine-lacking and warm. I’m rather grateful for the warmth because I don’t know how I would tolerate the cold for another consecutive year, as you all know how I struggle with the evening lethargy and inability to move, with blankets covering me up, leaving everything especially my fingers to freeze.

However, I don’t like the fog. I don’t like how it casts a veil, as if the planet was just a huge cloud, and we’re supposed to make our way through. Yet, it is a symbol I am listening to and perhaps a message, to clarify a lesson I should be learning before the year ends: not everything in life is clear, but our minds and visions are meant to always break through another route, to perhaps find it more awakening and purposeful.

Lately, I’ve been hearing stories of people who can’t manage their way in life. I’m not saying they actually “can’t” because that’s completely untrue. The thing is, they don’t think they can. And while I stay along and rewind those stories, I wonder if I’ll fall into that trap as well, but it’s unlikely for I have spent so many years just trying to build a confidence and a love, just to attain mindfulness in the present, to believe that the current moment is the best of all, while everything else fits into place.

This is the truth. The light is from within. Because sometimes sunshine is not enough to clear the fog.

I’ve already written out my goals for 2018, have them marked in my journal and I’m willing to share them with you. Although they are quite silly, but they would mean a lot to me. Most of the mindfulness I am experiencing right now is a product of all of those silly goals I had written out the two past years. It’s okay to take things slowly but effectively, I guess, as long as they are worthwhile and life-transforming.

I’ve realised some things about myself, vis-a-vis my journey of self-discovery. You know that I am sensitive, highly introspective and fail to tap into the reality of the outside world. It’s really funny sometimes, and I find myself laughing about how I deal with circumstances that might seem stressful and sense-lacking to others. My spirit rather overflows everything and people don’t understand it. They don’t realise that this is me, when I talk about the weather, intricate details of emotions and wild dreams. Most of the people I know can’t accept that, but I’m willing to be different and air-headed at the expense of so many other things like being respected, feared, given authority and power.

I’m full of love today. The world is full of it as well, there is Christmas, lights and joyful children awaiting presents. There is snowfall and icicles hanging on trees. There is a chance for more poetry due to the longer nights. There is an opportunity to excel in my finals and learn new things.

Forever grateful for being alive. Good bye December.