Getting Better.

As much as I am a person who honours calmness and peace, I cannot live comfortably without momentum; one based on excitement, progress and expectations. I’m not a machine, a programmed soul, faded by repetition and lacklustre daily structures, and I cannot thrive when there aren’t goals to achieve, challenges to overcome and habits to outgrow.

I need to get better at something— anything.

I remember two years ago, I spent a whole year doing particularly nothing special but living in torment, guilt and shame. My baby steps towards the goals I wanted to achieve were profoundly trivial and the progress was insignificant to be measured. Adding to this, I was lost; I didn’t know who I wanted to be or what I wanted to do in my life and that just daunted me, because I wasn’t going anywhere, there’s wasn’t any direction.

I need a direction, a road to follow, even if it is blurred and undetermined. Yet, the thrill of the possibility to figure it all out eventually is able to sustain me for a long time, but at least I have a destination, a long-term goal and a divine cause to drive my soul towards a blissful disposition that motivates my organism to keep going.

For now, I don’t really have any extra-specific goals; all I know is that I just want to get better. I want to gain more peace of mind by lessening anxiety, be more mindful about stress, maintaining my health and to simply become balanced and.. happy.

giving thanks to my friend, who lent me this book to read. :)

I want to be sure and extremely trustful at every moment in my life. A kind of trust that twists a smile on my face, knowing that my self-acceptance and confidence surpasses what else. There are many stresses surrounding us all, forces that might seem profoundly destructive, but I want to be mindful through it all and know that it won’t affect me as long as I am faithful, different and soulful in every step.

And to be honest with you, I have recognised my progress. It’s so much easier to smile through it all, be more acceptant and somehow... enlightened? Enlightened by the fact that it will be alright, and that my anxiety is just a big lie, that the universe chooses what is best in perhaps a quite chaotic manner.

Yet it is what is best.

I believe we all get better knowing this.