Life Updates.

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Hey peeps. It's been a long time, right? Well, id like to thank 2017 for captivating me with change at last. It's like this whole theory of attraction working with me, although I never believed in it. I've been craving change for a few months, and now I'm living through the transition.

Fortunately, the change had been magically positive because I actually found a part time job as a teacher assistant, and it's great fun, to be honest. I spend my abundant three-hours marvelling at how teachers can be so.. tactful and dexterous. How they overlap their senses to read the comprehension passage and spot the inattentive student at the same time, plan a million events in a fraction of a second and in the end, plainly having fun. I stand in the class, distribute papers, give second-hand assistance to some of the students, gnaw at my failing courage to encourage them while I can. I also mark some papers and push myself to the limit and haltingly write the same comments over and over again. Just for them. Just for these students to learn, develop and allow their minds to thrive in lavish intellectuality. I'm in love with the artwork of teaching, even though I've been an assistant for only four days.

Isn't that a considerably splendid shift? It's also making me so busy that I have barely time to just idle around, aimlessly reading books. I've got exams, too, and this change in routine is kind of making me anxious because I'm not dedicating a lot of effort to my studies anymore. Intuitively, I know I'm alright. I just need to concentrate and learn how to maximise my potentials while following my dearest passions.

I haven't been feeling well lately but this surge of motivation I've experienced today kind of makes up for those awful days. Dealing with loneliness is formidable, you know? It literally clouds your emotions to see the dull greyness instead of the many small achievements constantly being accomplished. In such a short time, I've already crossed out 4 or 5 major life goals, and I'm working on crossing out more!

I'm looking forward to stressing myself out this month, then having a well-deserved winter vacation. It's been a year since I truly felt the essence of vacations.. I remember practicing sports in the morning, reading books for the next term and the spending the rest of the day writing songs, books, playing the guitar and reading novels. I genuinely miss those simple moments.. it's weird how flashbacks can make you ache sometimes.

Also, I've been having daunting dreams. What's with me driving a car, trying to go forward but then ending up going backwards? They say that cars in dreams resemble life; am I taking life backwards? Am I relapsing into my old destructive habits? Sometimes I believe I am so close to it (my increasing anxiety is a worrisome signal), but other days.. or moments, I'm totally fine. I don't know. I should be more attentive to the omens around me.

Till later, then.

P.S: I'm totally going to use this blog as my journal. I don't have to be in earnest all the time, right?

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