a daylight dream

I was walking home after our run with my dad, the sunshine was warm and just right for a late-May morning. We engaged in a fruitful conversation about love and found ourselves asking:  is love enough? At once, I saw this visual in my head. A vision of a crystal ornament shattered into a thousand pieces on the ground and a mystical, invisible force rearranging all the pieces mid-air and bringing the ornament to its original, whole shape. We all know that once things are broken, there isn't any way to stick the pieces back together and at the same time have a shape that is free of cracks, gaps, and imperfections. There isn't a way back to wholeness once things get broken. There isn't a super-glue which can bring perfection back again to life, not once things are completely destroyed. But is that true for our hearts? I mean, they get broken all the time. We feel shattered, lost, fragmented many times a life, but in some magical way, some of us find themselves on t...

This Ramadan was unprecedentedly different for us all, a month we had to spend exploring different modes of living, doing things at different times, filling our hours with activities we aren't used to. It was different for me, too, and there are things which I've adopted and learned that I'd like to take with me, beyond Ramadan, onto a new beginning. I started this month with crossed fingers. I had clear intentions and nothing but that to start my month. I depended on the universe for helping me out, since Ramadan is not always that beautiful and mystical for my family becayse we deal with loneliness, long days and pointless hours to get by with. With all the difficult news I was receiving, motivating myself day by day to do the best I could with what I had, there was no way out but through the present moment of today . Even when the day was too long, all I had to do was pick up my notes and learn, call my sister and my friends, engage in conversations and go the d...

Yesterday, I finally received some news which I was waiting for restlessly since, without it, I would be so unsure of my future. Since it's my last year in university, it's a requirement for me to take my exams, and they were just being delayed and delayed and delayed. I thought for sure, I'd be over with it by mid-June, like any other year. I prayed and prayed and hoped and dreamed just to keep myself hopeful, to keep myself going. Yesterday was the day I knew that I'll be examined in July. The news weighed me down as soon as I heard it. My face turned pale and ghostly and I kept thinking about how painstakingly trialing it would be. To spend a month in Egypt? At home? Waiting? That's exactly what I was not born to do:  wait . For a moment I was going to isolate myself and lock my mind in the darkness of it all. But, I decided to be vulnerable with one of my dearest friends. We talked and rambled and found opportunities. I talked about my anxieties...

There is a lonely place that I call my heart and it loves everything it sets its intention upon. This heart which endured years and years of fighting and surrendering, breaking and healing, experiencing magic, filling its gal with faith but then letting it go all again. There is a lonely place which I call my heart that loves you tonight. It thinks of you and wonders whether the future will have enough space for both of us. I look back at myself and question whether I'm a jewel in your eyes. I wonder if you'd look into my heart and fight the way through the obstacles life will throw in our way. I wonder if you'll feel my hands in yours and have faith that we will go through this together instead of far apart. This heart of mine is filled with question marks because it always wants to know, and once it does, it tries to find yet more questions to answer. Somehow, looking into your soul mystifies me with a deep mystery that I won't ever be intelligent enough ...