a daylight dream

We all start our work-life brimming with hope, energy and excitement to prove ourselves, make a difference and attain success. There is this wonderful feeling which comes with going to work, full of life, dressed your best and greeting everyone with a smile. I always thought that would be the case for everyone, whatever job they were doing. Why would anyone complain about work? What makes it such a traumatic experience? I guess I now know the answer to my questions.   Although I am a part-timer, I have caught many glimpses of some day-to-day realities which cause work to be a nuisance for many. Most of the time, it's not the work itself but the environment. In my case, I have witnessed office politics, gossip, complaints, lack of support, work pressure-- the list could go on and on. Observing and somehow being a part of this, I found how dissatisfying it is to work in an environment which is not inspiring or motivating. I saw how soul-sucking it is to have co-worker...

       She stands under the grey skies, her feet stand hard as the power of the ground beneath her gets into her soul. she raises her arms as She feels herself getting more deep in the waging war, She has no power over its trauma. Wearing a flower crown entangled with golden specks She earned from the castle she enchanted to be hers. As the wind gets stronger and the clouds collide together, the aura of the place surrounding her gets furious by the minute. She sometimes feel that she never belonged in a world of little storms and heartless people.      She acknowledged the fact that her mind relies more on the connection that her feelings have with the roots of nature she implemented herself in. That the stars she spends nights staring at are one of the most magnificent creations her eyes can witness. The firmness her spirit holds is questionable to all those around her , even herself and the grace her heart has illuminates the pathway towards...

Recently, I turned inwards and felt this void. A space in a container that was once so full and overflowing. I realized that it's been a very long time since I felt  like I truly stand up for something. Maybe it's because lately, all I did was really focus on my mistakes and the endless ways to improve, which made me lose sight of what I'm actually working for. I've always been an activist, ever since I was as child of twelve. I used to colour flyers that had quotes to protect our environment, then I was a protagonist campaigning for health and nutrition, then came student fulfillment and the holistic approach in education..  but now what? Of course, at heart, I'm still an advocate for environmentalism, natural health, conscious living and education. Yet, the passion has subsided and it felt like I was working a little bit too far behind a truly clear ideal. This pang of a warning allowed me to think back and analyse everything I have been observing in...

I have always believed that the little moments were the ones to most cherish for the astounding way they make us feel fulfilled and alive. However, I don't know what happened that made me quite focused on attaining the bigger things and trying to perfect my own character which kept me off-track. Back again to my true self, I can inherently declare that it is the little things that allow us to experience sheer joy and content. It's not the goals we reach, it's the journey we decide to embark, which constitutes the little habits that we carry out every single day.   We always want to change to the better; to be more graceful, kind, loving and grounded. There's no better way capturing this than quietly thinking about what we are truly grateful for. I have some goals, many actually. I am quite future-focused (which is not always a great thing), but it occurred to me that I'd rather enjoy the journey towards my ideals, chasing them with fulfilment, love and p...

      One part of healing that brings guilt into the victims’ souls would be the attempt to break free of the invisible chains that are tightened around their necks. The numerous times you will think that you are truly healing , evolving and changing would be the most times you feel vulnerable. They are occurring    when your eyes prickle with tears and maybe you can’t hide it , it’s not like you can control it . They occur when your body starts reacting in the sight of the abuser, the shaking, the jittering and it’s like a bucket of ice water was splashed on you.               At that moment, you start mastering the art of composing yourself, to hide your anxiety behind a forced smile or a quick action . It takes a toll on you, mentally and physically, yet you should feel proud for resisting the trauma bond that the abuser seem to use as a weapon. That the narcissist would use to validate their actions and try to...

We picked our room to face the east, just like we have planned it out in our dreams. We pictured the light blue walls and satin curtains, allowing the crimson sunlight to welcome the royal shade of our walls, bit by bit, till they turn blazing enough to wake our eyes. Also, just like the dreams of our youth, we eventually ended up together, close enough to share the perfection of sunrise with such inexplicable intimacy. As soon as you open your eyes, you can't help but look to the right, in anticipation to the smile you've always been waiting for. The smile of our very first sunrise story, my dearest one. We have depicted so much in words and make-beliefs, but this is ever so real and enchanting. I open my eyes, too, but this time, it's not the sunshine that captivates me. It's  you . It's the mere thought that I can immerse my soul into the grace of our companionship. It's the very notion that I'm able to extend my hand this time and find your ...

            Did you ever a see a devil in the form of a man before ? Did you ever felt that you are lost , more like hypnotized to follow orders of a certain individual? Well this certain individual is the devil himself , he is the narcissist , he is a killer on the loose searching for souls so he can suck the life out them. I meant that figuratively and literally.             Most people have no clue that they could have many narcissists in their life , those who prey on their kindness , love and care. Those who feed on their insecurities turning them into nightmares, making themselves judges responsible to make you suffer. Those who whisper the words to say instead of you thinking about them, those who manipulate you into thinking that “they built you “ , that they “fixed you”. They turn you into silhouettes, puppets in their hands according to their own benefits of course. They define love as a bitter...

Did you ever hear about storks? Well, I'm sure you've seen them before. They're white, with huge wings and quite a tall, elegant neck. Their beaks are long enough to dig for worms in the ground and it has been told that storks symbolise the arrival of children or life. I'm pretty close to storks because they're quite popular in Poland and are even national symbols. I've grown quite attached to them in quite a peculiar way and that's why I'm actually starting this post mentioning them. You see, storks are migrating birds. Every April, I expect a call from my sister and dozens of pictures in celebration of the arrival of storks. When I go to Poland and drive with my family out of town, we always pass by a huge stork nest and it has become a ritual to open the windows and scream "Storks!" and then ridiculously count how many we see up the nest. Sometimes we would find babies, sometimes adults, other times we wouldn't see any so would c...

      I stand helpless , as I find myself handcuffed by tight ropes and every time I struggle I end up hurting myself more. My surroundings create a more nerve-racking reason to tick my aura off into anger, like a furious beast hunting its next prey. The memory of all that happened seem to recollect itself back into my mind, as I allow myself to get lost into the dark path down memory lane.              The lesser my resistance and faith in myself, the less strength I can gain from this prison. The more I feel my soul drowning in the ocean of pain. The deeper the sting I feel , as I try to free myself, the more I lose hope in ever regaining my grace again. As the time passes in this captivation, the more I realize that my mind is playing tricks on me.                  The higher the rage I endure , as I feel the shame and pain of the situation I am in. The memories I have doesn’t m...

Tomorrow, I'll be starting my second (for the year) and final semester in university, which is quite different. I can't believe I have finished four years of university already, and a part of me doesn't want this phase to end because it was beautiful. A little bit rough, challenging and demanding, but there was beauty entwined  with it all. Personally, my favourite part of university is that I was a dedicated learned. Every day was an opportunity to learn something of my choice. I'm not talking about my university courses, it's rather the way learning was incorporated into the structure of my day. I'm a learner at heart; take that away from me and I'll wilt and whither. I've noticed how lifeless I feel when work gets too demanding and there is no chance to learn something new outside of it. I get stuck in an endless circle of monotony. That's why I'm taking my intentions for the last semester quite seriously. Yes, I believe it wi...