a daylight dream

What a wonderful, fulfilling year it had been; adorned by growth and enlightenment with every passing day, although scarred by mistakes and little failures. 2018 is perhaps far by one of the most beautiful years of my life, in which I realised all of the goals I had set for myself and learned more about love; a beautiful soulful love that is unconditional and undemanding. I am so blessed so have lived this year. Here are the most beautiful moments of 2018, listed month by month. January Writing letters to a soulmate of mine, in which we discussed fields of dreams and the truth of love. Giving private English lessons, which was a totally new experience. The arrival of spring! I won’t ever forget that day; watching the green leaves sprout delicately and the blossoms rupturing from their calyxes. (31.01.2018) Reading books. Discovering music that evoked the poetry in me. Wonderful weather; rain and clarity. Wandering around Egypt; going to the Pyramids, the museum and c...

The December sun rises almost too briefly. All at once, the warm yellow light embraces the buildings and the world is a little bit more charmed by a subtle glow, the kind that hits my eyes and makes me smile. I tell myself that it’s been so long since I had taken the time to watch the sun. I have missed her dearly. I missed her sense of direction and safety that she always blesses me with. I missed her divergent colours at different angles and times of the day. Against all odds of having not much time, I walk out to the balcony and simply watch the ordinary come to life. I remind myself that I haven’t been gentle with myself lately. I have been a waterfall of who I am, simply flowing and flowing powerfully, taking shape of the whole world as it is forced downwards to reality. I have been desiring change and trying new things out, when perhaps who I am is to settle down and be quite reactive to what surrounds me. Reality is quite challenging, isn’t it? It makes us chang...

November has come to an end this war and per usual, it hadn’t been exactly one of the best in terms of pure, celestial joy thereof. I am a person who values clarity and purity in general and so to experience resistance and struggles is not exactly compatible with who I am. Sometimes, even with struggles, I make it to see the big picture, that one which involves hope and magnificence; yet other times, I’m wretched trying to find out what lessons they behold. In the end, I find out, so there is safety and peace through and through. November’s sky had been blissfully scudding, allowing the sun to pierce through those clouds, dispersing sun rays of wonderfully carved shapes. The wind was also amiable and pleasant and it quite surprised me that there were very little hazy days this November. The weather was clear and the fading greenness was pronounced. It made it more bearable, honestly. I enjoyed my walks around my university campus, the atmosphere inspiring to scurry for id...

It’s extraordinary how we have found each other, like ripples extended out on a pristine ocean. It’s as if our energies have surfaced the world clearly and confidently; with a magnitude so vibrant, it attracted all it could along its field. We stumbled upon each other a very long time ago, dearest, since our eyes met— and since then, we knew there was some sort of connection we couldn’t comprehend, yet was true and vital to our humanity. We were simply meant to be with each other. You are the laughter that brightens up the day for everyone. Through all perils and risks, you stand so confidently, with a smile and a reassurance so loud and courageous, capable of getting through, succeeding and having a beautiful time. The possibilities before you are a source of comfort rather than not, and you are wonderfully able to determine what you want. The freedom empowers you, it gives you the choice and the blessing of using your mind boundlessly. Your mind is an enchanting thing, dear...

I haven’t been focusing on myself lately and have had this distorted view of reality. Maybe it is isn’t as distorted as people may think, for it is the norm. It is the norm to see the world in terms of problems and issues spiralling out of control— but such a norm was never meant to reign my perspective. It was never meant to structure my thoughts and belief system. It was never meant to be  me . Yet, I have somehow burst my bubble and let it all in. I am not affected by this negativity at all, but I am more receptive to it and sometimes catch myself complaining about reality. This shocks me for I promised I wouldn’t complain, even if it is hard, even if I am lost, even if everyone resorts to complaining. This shall never be my language. I have forgotten that indulging myself into the attachments my dreams create is the alternative that used to sound appealing. It was the solution that was far-fetched and idealistic, nonetheless truly inspiring and magical. I have forg...

Your hands, Cold as the ocean, I’m dressed like, A summer sun. Let us meet, By some foreign shore, The water binds us, As one. Moon-lit conversations, Of depths unexplored, You are a sailor, A heart that needs not a home. For my love is, Your one sanctuary, When worlds leave you, Cold and weary. To me you talk, Release your tides, Their bitterness not something, I keep in mind. I try not to, Do the same, I’m afraid my words, Are a little less sane. They are eruptions, And gentle flows, Will you listen, And accept me all? For I am flawed, I am not the sun, I sometimes need, A little time, Offshore and desolate, For sweet blossoms, To emanate. Sometimes your love, Is overwhelming, It is a sea, When I am stale. It soaks me all, And I am drowning, My silence is, What seems to save me. I am meant, To be challenged, Fitting in the universe, Of your dreams. I teach you all, About a littl...

To be busy is not a virtue though it might be mistaken as one. In this fast-paced world, we are somehow unconsciously obliged to take on miscellaneous ventures; to do one thing after the other in a swift motion, leaving us no space for our bodies and minds to breathe. I’ve learned that it is relatively easy to stay busy. It is easy to stress ourselves, as if we had been programmed to accept burying ourselves into the torments of workload. It is not easy to be busy, conversely, but it is much less courageous. It is much less mindful to keep working and working, limiting the scope of our minds to obligations and responsibilities, fooling ourselves with the concept that it is essential, that there's no enough time, etc. I fell into that trap myself, thinking that burying my nose into work and studying was the best choice to make. However, a lot exists beyond that. A realm of mindfulness and epiphanies exists when we stop ourselves to take a break and focus on what’s truly...

I keep asking myself, as I am shifting towards this detrimental phase in life: am I ready? Am I truly and wholly ready for this new set of challenges and experiences? My heart has changed through the years. It has grown more tolerant to change; steadily and slowly. However, it seems now that it has been an exponential compounded growth that allows my heart to ask for change and set intentions to accept it willingly, with whatever bundle of newness accompanies it. My heart is ready— truly ready. It feels safe and breathes in the possibilities, immersing deep gratitude in each and every thread of life they entail. Those possibilities are still blissful, even with the many mistakes I will make, the flaws I shall discover and explore and the choices I’ll have to make. This life is quite perplexing; for our choices change all the time. Our choices sometimes shift and transform as we do, simultaneously. I must say I have changed; not much, but it’s evident— so evident th...

October is my most favoured month of the year, dated back to the days when I was fifteen years old and suddenly looked up at the sky and found it starkly ultramarine. It is the month in which the world says goodbye to its summer memories and moves on to another phase of being— and in such a detrimental time, October does it so gracefully, inspiring me along the way. I’m almost always inclined to go towards the best in October and be the version of myself that I aspire to become; the journey is worthwhile and beautiful. October defines itself by beautiful pristine mornings and clouds, carried by a northern chilly wind that caresses my skin, allowing the temperature to drop a few degrees. I would always look up and find something wonderful, designing a smile and make it form on my face. One thing I also love about October is that it gives a chance for the silk floss trees to blossom so wildly in white and pink flowers, adorning the streets with jovial colours. I would w...

I barely slept last night; my eyes wide and spirit floating in the atmosphere with glorious joy. I might have closed my eyes but I could not keep my mind still, it was constantly rewinding the beautiful moments of the day that preceded us, creating a million narratives written in terms of pure love. And I am so proud of you, dearest. A few hours ago, you have finally reached your dreams after what seemed like an eternity. After years of trying hard and willingly working towards it, you have attained your ideal, touched the horizon of your visualisations you conjured up as a young kid. Now you’re here and I cannot be more proud, my dearest one. It wasn’t easy, was it? How many times did you come home frowning, encompassed by the disappointments of failure? How many times did you feel as if you were never going to figure it out? I understood, and I grieved along, too. I knew that there would come a day, but I couldn’t promise when. I couldn’t determine when you would finally...