a daylight dream

I'm a business student, which means I'm constantly bombarded with the phrase "mission and vision statements" that entrepreneurs should develop for their organisations. It took me quite a while to actually understand what it means to have a vision and every single day, I get more in tune of what it really is. Honestly speaking, it would be thrilling to just live your life in order to reach your vision. A vision does not have to a career path, though it can because I believe we define ourself in this world with what we do. Your job doesn't have to be what you do, and I don't think a career comprises your job and only that. Surprisingly, a career is all the efforts you put into your position, whether emotional, intellectual or physical. Career is not just your job, it's any occupation that you undertake to show progress and reach your potentials. Being a housewife is certainly a very demanding career and people need to be okay with the diversity of c...

In the airplane there is freedom of soul and spirit, though physically, I'm confined and reigned. In the airplane there are hopes of individuality, a sense of self-awareness and a vision to make real.  I cannot describe my love for airplanes and airports well enough, and it's a love I have discovered just recently. Watching the afternoon clouds, the glimmering sun rises and the fields green and light brown come into sight. I love just sitting there for hours, loving the tension and the stimulating anxiety fill the spaces between my cells, surging in my blood and making me feel alive. I love watching people in that state as well, with their tired faces and unkempt hair.. it's an overwhelming atmosphere. In the future, I'd like to travel as much as I can since it's a perfect way for me to unwind and feel liberated and free. It removes all the stress I usually carry on my shoulder and allows me to let go of all the ridiculous attachments that do nothing bu...

This is coming from a girl who used to spend 8 to 9 hours on her twitter and tumblr accounts, doing nothing all day but follow fandoms and live an ordinary stereotypical life. I wasn't aware of I what I was doing at that time, and perhaps it was my only exit to stray away from boredom. I officially deactivated my Facebook, Twitter and Instagram accounts when I was almost sixteen year old, and I say it had been three years without them. Am I dead yet? I am actually living. Yes, there are times when it's peculiar to be the only one in a group of people not to know the latest celebrity news or new fashion styles. But to me, these kind of things are immensely insignificant. Social media proved to be successful to damage a part of my teenagehood by introducing me to unrealistic beauty standards which led me to compare my life with others. I started questioning how I looked like, the clothes I had, the life I was living. Everything was not enough, and it opened up a do...

A suspension to me is more like a sand storm in a desert; one that even when settled, can be stirred up with the slightest wind activity. I do not like to be suspended, though I've been stirred up in the atmosphere of my future for so long, that I'm almost accustomed. They say that obscurity is therapeutic, it adds beauty and excitement to life. Yet, I must admit I do wish to settle in life a little; to know my aim, the pathway towards my goals, the dream to my destiny, but I still remain in a haze of so many "I don't know"s. Yes, it is thrilling to think that life will hold so much but my little narrow-minded perception is failing the ultimate unearthliness required to feel at peace regarding that matter. How beautiful it would be to actually feel grounded to who you are? To the decisions you've taken? The people you know? I think it would be a very comforting feeling. Currently, I'm not attached to anything. I do not have an aim to start working...

Should I trust my heart? Especially when there's comfort surpassing its every corner?  Should I trust love? I realised that love, no matter how comforting it feels, is such a risky adventure. It involves a lot of compromise, a lot of things to let go. You tend to forget about yourself for a while, and do things just for the sake of love, for the sake of an emotion that fills your perception with imperfections made so beautiful and delicately flawless. Love is a dimension that doesn't involve around people, but their very own souls, and as they dig deeper into their true identities, the more intense this emotion is... because it fills them up entirely, allows them to visualise happiness in infinite measures. Oh and love, it makes us feel alive. At the moment, my heart is beating and pumping surges of untamed love, accompanied by sudden bursts of memories that are trying to fit themselves in a puzzle piece I had started many years ago; will I ever be loved? The...

Sometimes I just sit back with music in my ears, closing my eyes. But in a fleeting moment, I realise that I need not listen to music when there is a wind around, only there for my entertainment. I see the leaves swaying, embarking a symphony of rustles and crackles, like a tickling sensation on the soles of my feet. I can feel the wind brushing my cheeks, setting them pale, nipping their colour away. Oh, and I sit back in contemplation, taking my time to colour those winds by my imagination. Some days, they are a regal turquoise, blowing from the north, bringing in the sound of seagulls and crashing Northern waves. Other days, the wind has a peculiar, sweet fragrance of fermented sunshine, heading towards us from the south, coloured in a yellow, tinted by some peachy fuzz. Sometimes I believe winds could be green, and they are the winds so fresh and inspiring, greeting us with arrivals of seasons like spring and autumn, allowing the vapour in the air to condense in fluffy clo...

Ramadan lights. :) The full moon is already getting smaller day by day, signalling the end of the month of Ramadan. This phenomena is inspiring so many count downs these days, at least personally. How much time do I have left to finish my exams? To travel? To come back? And start the cycle all over again. Count downs are rather thrilling, but they waste the time I should spend doing something more worthwhile. I'm that kind of person who fantasises and fills her head up with so many day dreams when expectant and hopeful; I allow so much emotion to embrace my soul and keep me happy although I'm fully aware of how unrealistic these expectations are, and they almost never get fulfilled unless I reflect. Reflections are a beyond splendid method for me to basically believe in magic; just sitting back and recollecting events that had happened in the past gives me a spellbinding satisfaction since I just add emotions to adorn the situations, based on my ideals. In my r...

It's been ten months since I actually started taking care about my diet, and that's a good thing and I'm certainly improving though it gets hard sometimes. I must admit, I'm not yet comfortable around food; the energy I get afterwards makes me quite fearful and anxious but I'm learning to deal with it even though sometimes, I just really want to give up and stop eating all together. I miss being an ordinary person; eating when I truly want to, having good meals without the guilt and not having food occupy a large portion of my mind. But it's better, and the hope that I might reach that ordinary state one day sustains me for the moment. Moroccan semolina pancakes. So, at least I have become dependant on food and that makes me human again (hooray!). I've noticed that when I don't eat much, I always get extra hungry the next day and tend to over eat and it's yet another signal that my body is getting accustomed to eating. I'm not really...

I would have called myself disgruntled but I refuse to do so since I do not want to link my situation with dissatisfaction or anger. God forbid, I'm utterly grateful for everything in my life. I'd better call my situation a moment of weakness and yes, that sounds better. It reflects a moment in which it's quite difficult to keep on struggling and fighting and rather relapsing into episodes of bottomless sorrow and hopelessness. It's temporary, I know. Perhaps this is my time to actually recharge and take a break from absorbing all the negativity I've been exposed to for the past ten months. I'm not a metallic plate after all and even though I aim to be so, I won't be able to dodge the bullets forever. I have the right to renew and strengthen my plate and that takes some time. I understand that.  I'm currently reading 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, even though I had started it several times before, it's just some sort of a motivat...

I'm not really inspired to write any blog posts at this time of the year, especially that it's hard to discern how I feel about myself, and about things in general. My mood is fluctuating acutely everyday; from happy mornings to daunting evenings and vice verse. Even though I'm used to experiencing utter joy in summer, without the cold or the hazy skies, I feel as if I could never be happy, ever again. Honestly, it's such a hopeless feeling and I know that it is temporary, and nothing but an illusion portrayed by anxiety and the environment around me. My emotions are currently shaped up as a whirlpool, spinning downwards. Some days I'm closer to the surface, hoping to breathe and fill my lungs with air again while others, I'm in the apex; sinking and isolating myself from any cues. You know what's hurting me? You know what's painful? It's my mind telling me that this will be my life; the life I'm planning so arduously to adorn with beauty an...

I wonder who I shall be a couple of years from now; perhaps a renegade, striking against injustice. Perhaps a pioneer in an autonomous field, or an entrepreneur taking multiple risks at a time. I wonder whether I shall be safe in my home, while others are fighting in wars and against disease, whether I shall be stuck in a cycle of ignorance, too caught up by the simple pleasures and frivolous scars, while the world is lightening up with anger and rage. I wonder if my imaginations of who I am shall defy reality's creativity, which is always the case. Who knows who I shall be? Who knows if I would stay the same? Who knows if I will remain in the bubble of recent incidents and be far away from what really matters. Honestly, I don't know what is my path; do I want to defy the hate, anger and injustice? Or do I oppositely want to seek a peaceful life? Do I want to change the world? Am I actually aware of the risks I am supposed to take? It's so complicated and I...

Wow, I didn't really write any exciting posts this month and it troubles me since I usually feel guilty without expressing myself through writings, I haven't even written anything in my book. However, my disposition is uncanny and it's taking me a while in order to reflect and figure out how to deal with the changes I'm experiencing.  Let me bid May goodbye and oh, I shall miss it terribly. I mean, I didn't even enjoy it that much because I was stuck at home studying for my finals and idling near swimming pools with my notes to revise. I didn't really feel it's inspiring airs nor the self-driven attitude. In fact, I've been rather lax and lethargic, my thoughts not crossing the boundaries of my dreams but inspecting the consequences of the present moment. Change is a new phenomenon in my life, even amidst the killing routines of home. Yet, change shall embrace me through travel plans, self-development and newer experiences.  Life at home had...