Hello June.

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Wow, I didn't really write any exciting posts this month and it troubles me since I usually feel guilty without expressing myself through writings, I haven't even written anything in my book. However, my disposition is uncanny and it's taking me a while in order to reflect and figure out how to deal with the changes I'm experiencing. 

Let me bid May goodbye and oh, I shall miss it terribly. I mean, I didn't even enjoy it that much because I was stuck at home studying for my finals and idling near swimming pools with my notes to revise. I didn't really feel it's inspiring airs nor the self-driven attitude. In fact, I've been rather lax and lethargic, my thoughts not crossing the boundaries of my dreams but inspecting the consequences of the present moment. Change is a new phenomenon in my life, even amidst the killing routines of home. Yet, change shall embrace me through travel plans, self-development and newer experiences. 

Life at home had been dreary and some days, I just have this acute tendency to leave the house and never come back; escape and find refuge in the shadows in order to start a new life away from the ruins and scarring smithereens erupting from the earthquakes occurring everyday. I'm really sensitive when it comes to sadness; seeing people is malaise causes a havoc to befall in my mind as I rummage for solutions to fix things. Unfortunately, it's out of my control and it's rather a formidable task to make people happy; they need to find it within and by themselves. I'm trying hard these days to not let it affect me since I'm struggling with issues of my own, health-wise. 


I'm a bit tired of being a grown up, honestly. I'm exhausted from feeling my body attacking me for so long, it's like I'm in a state of perpetual pain in my gut. I'm trying my best to eat well, do frequent exercise and free myself from stress but to no avail; still I'm bloated, irritable, anxious and constipated and I must admit I have never experienced symptoms so vague.

But it's okay, because June is here and just the sound of the month "June" draws a smile on my face. It's also Ramadan, and it's a time for me to clear my soul (which is a process I'm pleased with) and wash away the negativity. I'm glad that the golden shower trees are going to bloom in a few weeks, glad that I shall travel and see my sister after so long, glad that something shall change, hopefully for the better.

My goal this month is to be more carefree and gentle. I really wanted to be productive but I can't help but ditch those documentaries and school books aside and watch Ramadan serials, swim in the aquamarine waters and play the Piano Tiles game on my phone. Yes, I do feel guilty because the activities mentioned are such an waste of time but honestly, I just want to rewind. I'm tired of wanting to do some good in the world and not finding a way to guide me towards it. So I'm just living this month; breathing in all the air, purifying my body from the toxins, clearing my soul, hear God's voice and exhale all the condensed worries and fermented negativity. I'm full of it; the criticisms I'm targeting at my own self, negative talks, self-loathing thereof. It's a chance to dust all of those cobwebs away because it's not worth it.


Hello June. I know you shall be imperfect though my imaginations and dreams are taking me to such heavenly perfect places but, it's okay. I'm waiting for your magic, nevertheless. 

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