Perplexities in Chosen Paths.

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I wonder who I shall be a couple of years from now; perhaps a renegade, striking against injustice. Perhaps a pioneer in an autonomous field, or an entrepreneur taking multiple risks at a time. I wonder whether I shall be safe in my home, while others are fighting in wars and against disease, whether I shall be stuck in a cycle of ignorance, too caught up by the simple pleasures and frivolous scars, while the world is lightening up with anger and rage.

I wonder if my imaginations of who I am shall defy reality's creativity, which is always the case. Who knows who I shall be? Who knows if I would stay the same? Who knows if I will remain in the bubble of recent incidents and be far away from what really matters.

Honestly, I don't know what is my path; do I want to defy the hate, anger and injustice? Or do I oppositely want to seek a peaceful life? Do I want to change the world? Am I actually aware of the risks I am supposed to take?

It's so complicated and I'm not even a single step towards my purpose in this world. Yes, I can see strokes of a paint brush on a wide white canvas, but there's nothing but uncertainty obscuring the view. The obscurity is intriguing, but rather repelling since seeing the concrete and tangible possibilities before me are rather dazzling choices to make, but I'd rather wait and watch those paint brushes get soaked in chromatic futures. There shall be greys and blues, but like a colossal cloud approaching the timing of a storm, with the pixels of enormous blues, greys and whites, all intermingled to create a revolution; one that waters the plants, clears the dust and haze, refreshens the troubled minds and spark creativities.

Do I choose the obscurity? 
My heart tells me to. My heart tells me to choose what's mysterious and thrilling and let go of the securities in everyday life. It's hideous to acknowledge the fact that our life is based on numerous versions of security; of food, health and wellness when in fact, we all know that those are the things we will lose first, given the circumstances.

Oh, societies are such fickle structures, defying reality's common sense. Perhaps the stability we dream of is what disappoints us, leads us to make compromises for so many years, awaiting success and peace when all we get is a burning yearning sensation in our hearts, asking us when we shall stop securing? When shall we let things be?

But there are things like love, courage and faith that acquire the spontaneity. And those are moments when we experience sleepless nights, not ready to let go of things we kept secure, in order to make our values in charge of who we are, instead of the materialities reigning our mindsets. 

I wish I knew the answers, and I wish I were able to apply those ideologies when it comes to times like today.. times when I'm supposed to guide people to just live and do what's right instead of thinking rationally, for all in all, our minds don't control the world. They interpret it— but they do not control it. Rationality is nothing but a product of our subconscious yet, life requires us to defy what's rational and wise sometimes. 

There are so many things in life I'm trying to understand, but figuring one concept out leads me to a million open doors and answers, and it's hard to choose, especially when people are around me, in control, with the higher hand and I'm unable to speak.


I hope life is more understanding of my situation.

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