a daylight dream

September was the way downhill after spending many many months climbing the hills of ambitions, dreams and hope. I personally relish the hard work it takes to climb up, find peace and serenity in the challenges and the hectic times. Before September, there was this wonderful, royal peak of love and wonder and I had to let it go. September taught me to let it go. So, I spent the first two weeks in restless emptiness and confusion. I felt lost and wondered whether I was in the right place. The thoughts I had were awfully surreal and they did allow me to grieve for a while, and I’m grateful I had the chance to grieve a little bit alone, in silence. The nights were tiring and lonely, but I got through eventually, my heart telling me that it was going to be okay, that it was just a goodbye and a way down. And suddenly I woke up, around mid-September, feeling rather fulfilled and ready to embrace the emptiness around me. I realised that it was just an opportunity to paint a...

A farewell unsaid, Locked within beating hearts, And a truth confusing us. Perhaps it was too much, Of love and distance magically touched, By human worlds entwining and learning, To let go all at once. I lift my palms of the notion, Of your presence no longer, Keeping me alive. For there is a sun in my soul, Immersed in darkness, Yet always rising in time. I’m synchronising the seasons, And the fallen leaves, With the shedding that might, Occur to me, And slowly, and in some way, I found you slipping, On a ground filled with memories. No longer do I grieve, But partake in the brief, Nature of love’s identity. We are always stumbling, Into beautiful eyes, Reflecting the light hidden inside, And I love life, For guiding me to you, But now you must leave, And I shall follow you. It is beautiful how, We need not apologise, This is inscrutably written, In heavenly bodies, Of fates colliding and truly beloved. ...

It is always welcoming to turn a new leaf and start it with some purposeful intentions, ones embedded in the heart, accompanying me wherever I go. The ritual of making intentions did prove to be effective since the world did help me attain my summer ones (except for working— there weren’t any students willing to study English in summer!). The impact of those fulfilled intentions is alive in my soul, fluttering its wings and allowing me to soar in empowerment and confidence. I’m grateful to start a new academic year with such a disposition. University I intend to get higher grades the next semester though I know it doesn’t mean much in the long term; but it does to me. It signifies the fact that I’m learning how to chase ideals and goals no matter how challenging they are and this is an aspect of my identity that I always like to improve and maintain rather than hamper. Also, I would like to enhance my public speaking skills by making voluntary presentations in the subje...

Hand in hand, we know that we might have not made it without each other’s faithful support, not without that intuitive feeling that we were going to succeed at attaining our ideals. That mutual loyalty made us thrive, in the most uncertain of times, aware of the journeys we have embarked to make a difference. And we know that the way we come home to each other every night is fleeting, but it means the world. Perhaps worldly distractions keep us apart, but with every “good night” said in exhaustion, there is a heart-warming exhalation and a smile, transparently showing a love unconditional and unwavering. Because we know that this love was written in the stars, right back when we were young. Right back when we were impulsive and indecisive, acting upon our hearts. We knew that this ethereal synchronisation makes sense, it isn’t one to be forgotten nor ignored, it is one to keep building on, no matter how much time that takes. We share the same dreams, the same zeal and...

Silence is a beautiful weapon that shields me from all that is out there in the world in terms of irrational wars and fights being continued and pronounced in loops, which only devastate the initiators. Silence to me is a detachment from my mind and its stride to be right, always, to defeat the other, to bring down and humiliate. Silence is a beautiful ending to a frustration that has no beginning nor ending, inflicting harsh words and criticisms. Silence ends it where it started from the very beginning. Silence might seem like a sign of weakness, of not being able to fight back. But personally, it’s only a language that speaks one mindful choice: I refuse to surrender my humanity in circumstances that are deemed useless and harming. I refuse to listen to my ego, or the constant rush of reactions. Silence requires endurance and calmness, but it brings back things to where they should be. It tames the wildfires. It shines a light through the stormy clouds— it was nothing aft...

Sometimes in life, you are alone. Both physically and emotionally. There are times when you suddenly find yourself detached in all dimensions, and all of the people and thoughts you used to cling to somehow move further away, until you’re left with this vast emptiness— an expansive, dark and frightful emptiness, encrypted with mysteries you cannot yet decipher, and all you are left with is this space, and you don’t know what to do with it. It’s a long night for I spend it analysing this space. I see my dearest memories so far away and no longer real, their impact pulsating in my veins in shocking frustrations. Maintaining this beautiful impact is arduous, it requires a stream of forgiveness and peace, one that cannot always be attained midst the overwhelm and confusion. I spend some time feeling my eyes tear slowly, experiencing the fires in my chest. The fires that desire so much, that long for a past projected irrationally into a future one cannot control nor paint. With...

Home : The outside is a picture of rooms and walls. Chambers and boundaries. Space and its complementary limits. The outside shows humans, like a reflection in a mirror, their movements monotonous and stale, their flaws recognisable and painted with all the divergent colours of imperfections that could ever exist. The outside shows chips of paint and wearing building blocks, garments misplaced and chaos in infinitesimal terms. It shows a material molecule in the midst of many others, and that is all that there is. Yet, when you’re home, you are not outside. Home welcomes you in, it soaks you like a tidal wave with a picture in motion, its spiralling waves the emotions that reign the journey, that make it possibly worthy. The inside is laughter and pillows cuddled to the chest. It is stories being told with eyes avid with pretence. It is light flooding on the floor, through waltzing curtains, beating with breezes speeding with the seasons. It caresses the sleeping faces and w...

I was supposed to post this by the end of August, but just couldn't. My reality by that time was dismantling and I couldn't really get myself to reflect subjectively. August had been the same ever since 2010. But now that some time has passed and a recognition of presence returned, I can reflect upon it all positively. August has simply taught me that my fears are never the sole face of truth. Here is what I planned on posting but did not. "So here is August, ending in a swift pace. This month always reminds me of how much time can truly speed, forcing me to cherish beautiful moments as they pass by. I'm fascinated by all of those momentary memories, as when one holds them close, they fill the mind with beauty and gratitude, it's not a practice to be taken for granted, by any means. It had been such a beautiful month, though I experienced quite a few challenges. The beginning was stormed with an episode of disconnection and miscommunication; ...

I am writing this as I’m in the balcony, breathing in the September warm nightly air, resting from a tiring and sleepless flight back, indulging my existence in the timeless present, feeling free from judgments  and fears. So, I’m back. Here and now. I feel as if I had been sucked into a tunnel this summer and now I’m timelessly on the surface— everything seems just as still as I left it. This summer comes to me as if it were a glimpse of a dream and now I’ve woken up, embracing the morning light vividly. It feels as if that summer never existed and I was caught up in some beautiful realm for a while. Yet, the impact is here— the smile, love and rewards of trying hard to let it go. It’s all here, in the present, in my soul. I’m laughing at myself currently, shaking my head at how weak I was just a few days ago. I see my agonising fears and this deadly anxiety toppling upon me and how they’ve faded into nothingness in reality. In the airport, I was  smiling  b...