September: The Way Down.

September was the way downhill after spending many many months climbing the hills of ambitions, dreams and hope. I personally relish the hard work it takes to climb up, find peace and serenity in the challenges and the hectic times. Before September, there was this wonderful, royal peak of love and wonder and I had to let it go. September taught me to let it go.

So, I spent the first two weeks in restless emptiness and confusion. I felt lost and wondered whether I was in the right place. The thoughts I had were awfully surreal and they did allow me to grieve for a while, and I’m grateful I had the chance to grieve a little bit alone, in silence. The nights were tiring and lonely, but I got through eventually, my heart telling me that it was going to be okay, that it was just a goodbye and a way down.

And suddenly I woke up, around mid-September, feeling rather fulfilled and ready to embrace the emptiness around me. I realised that it was just an opportunity to paint another climb up, which made me smile endearingly. Suddenly, it made sense. I felt more at ease and peace by trusting faith and hope. When you’re so scared, it’s formidable to clearly see something worthwhile in the future, but it’s not quite fair to judge a whole life based on a temporary emotion. It’s unjust to torment ourselves with such situations.

In September, I’m a little bit different. I’m experimenting being righteous. I used to sometimes swerve to experiment and see the right way for myself but I can see now that it’s better to be free of errors. It’s better to be peacefully away from being blamed or mistaken. It’s better to focus on what is present and what it requires. Maybe I’m starting to become more practical and it’s quite new to me. I’m exploring how it is like and, maybe I don’t mind this new attire. I don’t mind changing.

I’m really grateful for what is, though the fragments of what I’m grateful for may not be really beautiful to look at. I don’t feel pain anymore, thankfully. I’m climbing up again, with divergent dreams that have incredibly changed compared to last year. There is a hope for a love free of demands and expectations. A love that is present and real. A love guided by the universe and not anything else.

I’ve been letting go more often, especially with the things I cannot control. It’s really empowering and weakening, too. I wonder what the future holds but, I’m hopeful for October, which is always magnificent, but I won’t make any expectations, I guess. I’ll just flow along with it all.

You’ve been rather inscrutable, September. I’m finally down here and it is dearly sweet to look up to the sky and dream on youthfully once again.

P.S: I’m thankful for my beautiful friends who supported me this month with their love and encouraging words. You are gems. Thank you, infinitely.