a daylight dream

. that seems to be the case, most of the time. most of the things I deeply long for are out of reach, celestially embedded in the metaphorical dance between the light and the hidden darkness in between. I know— the undying embrace, the in-betweenness of merging into one another, the solace in togetherness. those are finalities no one would dare to chase. but I’ll never learn how to stop climbing. this mountain is endless, and the peak is inevitably out of reach. and if I move forward one time, then it is that I saw yet another horizon in this heart’s eye. one more honest zenith to commit to, before there’s an eternity worth chasing for. there are some mountains I know I can’t climb here on earthly terrains. they’re built out of stardust and timeless tunes that harness its composition in my visions. and so I keep them for that infinite time, when there’s nothing left to resist. but as long as I’m here, there’s a mission, a purpose . there are obstacles one bends to in utter, broken limi...

having it gone feels like a weight lifted off my wings. a heart that never hurt from hurting in poetic fancies and reveries can finally breathe in the ache of not longing enough— the ink of your presence dissolving into mine, until it becomes but an ancient memory in between the lines. wasn’t it but a clandestine love? wasn’t it me sneaking off at dawn, Venus-light, spring dew coating my dress— waiting for you. all the morning skies we captured and treasured in this town are but anomalies we illicitly hide, foreign symbols so cryptic and wordless.  there isn't a single picture of your face in any of this. it weaves into everything else, just like that. I sat there helplessly trying to find the words to describe what it’s been for my heart, only arriving to the love that coats the entire universe ever so silently delicately. who were you? why are you but a cloud now, colossally bewitching the royal blueness of my sky, vanishing with the burst of summer sunlight. when the day begins,...

the sweetness of June: an inscrutable, gentle flow of golden honey-like moments symbolising truths and coated with a geniality so filled with ease. it wasn't like I was used to; the truth behind certain incidents spiralling into my chest viciously, making it hurt for so long. this time, it was filled with softness, presence and so much time for contemplation and signs. it was in the end, a series of moments in serene timelessness. an empowering responsibility emerging in June was the mindset to take responsibility for my choices and my actions. it was a whirlpool of a year for me with so many events, responsibilities and ongoing projects that demanded my dedication and attention. it was a little hard for my heart to take responsibility for the consequences of my choices and at times, when things went wrong awhile, instead of mindfully taking time to contemplate and see the reasons, I would simply surrender to things not working out. in the space that time creates, this June, I arri...

  I wake, your face a shoreline gold. the sun has risen to your closed eyes once more, a memory of melancholic truthfulness, given the eternity I spent traversing the maps of your distant gaze. there's this thing about us; a push and pull of titanic tides and dreams of watching moonlight glowing across horizons of our dreamscapes. I like that you're tailoring time just for me. just for this love to stretch its droplets of colour on the canvas of this aloneness we're sharing for some years. just you and me; a sacred touch, a gentle gaze, the intensity a propeller of all the sweetness in the hearts that have never known but to envision something different than what they're used to. I find it divinely honouring that there is nothing you come home to but this heart. you look into my eyes to find lost pieces of yourself; the brokenness shards of glass so invisible that it is only mine to see. in wordlessness, all we have is this space of unbroken gazes and all the unanswered...

you’d think of me bidding you farewell just a bad dream. spinning around, your face pale and your eyes sunken in sorrow. a mountain of grief. the peak collapsing after the ascent. your lips shaking with heart songs you never had the courage to say, here they are fading away. a goodbye. a long, sweet sojourn at the memories before they’re folded in compartments of our smiling eyes. I ask you now if it was love. I ask my heart whether I only loved how you made me feel: the contrast between us, the compass in my gaze. I ask myself if I only loved how I looked in your eyes. I ask whether it was through the lens of healing that I could see you, for without it, you’re but a figment of a dream in girlhood that can wistfully pass. we have said the wrong things, perhaps. the same mistakes. I remember wanting to move on past you, and I remember you holding me back. was it my fear or yours, or was it us both ? the words are pain-laden. was I but a bright star you were infatuated by and could neve...

I stand before you, tall and strong, golden eyes that saw the bewildering waves to my toes. I stand before you, the gears of my dreams, the propeller of my wheels. one look into your eyes and I’m leaping into those oceans of infinite first sights. I don’t know what to say to you. three times into my heart and I locked you out. the piercing hurt in your eyes sees mine, falling into the softest pillows of apologies. perhaps I was too afraid to surrender to these oceans of insurmountable passion. this unlimitedness in your soul. one step closer to love and I feel I might as well venture there to get a glimpse of it. is it a little too late to trust me again? or should I remind you of the warmth that arises from being in each other’s presence? the bubbling light streaming from ethereal knowing that you’re the compass. I remind you of all the dreams on display once you see my eyes. I remind you of that one soul you’d do everything for, in servitude, just for the grateful glimmer in my eyes....

this summer will be different. I feel it. yet, too, I feel the heartless hostility in me surging. that island of my heart that finds beauty in memories burning down, the past becoming its own forgetful figment, and a whole identity slipping through fingers that held on to it so tightly.   I love the fragrance of novel beginnings. their emptiness this time is opulent with what the phases and seasons have left me with. my chest scented with sweetgrass and wildflowers, consecrated, pressed into a fossil right into my signature. a season of a glorious, captivating love— and it has left me unchanged under its terms, forever. forsooth, this summer stirs with winds of maturity and paths of growth made clearer to envision. this airplane ride used to be as transient as its landing— but this time, its landing yields much more impact, much more tied to its aspiration and motive. and now, my smile coats the entire sky, all in thanks to airplanes that stretched its horizons.. what is there more...

  a few moments of meeting you— the weight of knowing I won’t be around for such a long long time crushes my insides. still, I’m laced in a smile. sitting on benches in the parks, ducklings floating by. and I always look at my reflection in the side-mirrors just to remind myself of how fleeting waiting is. in what feels like a whirl, I’ll be here again, at where airplanes glide stained by tears of pensive romance. may time be the tide you’re sailing. a flash of your face, the flush in my cheeks. the secrecy in your passion, the wordlessness of mine. you’ve built all these barricades and towers just for me. may time be the tides smoothing them to landscapes so serene. may time be the tide, a fountain. all the forms it dramatises. and may I be your crystalline surface, dear beloved. see through me, till then. till a dreamful  here .

tall, strong, your chains of trust and mystery locking the distance between you and me. you look away most of the time, but in those transient moments of your deep brown eyes into mine, I know it’s these inscrutable eyes I fell for. these inscrutable eyes I’d do anything for. but I don’t say it aloud. I play it with you awhile with the mountain ranges of my smile. I listen to you, intently, all your climbs. there is one thing I cannot deny— a lonesomeness you can’t satisfy but with my scared memory.  you’re a mastermind, just like me. it didn’t get to me when I saw all the little ways you’re cascading to capture my heart. I come slowly, my gaze down to my feet. will you fiercely be my one and only? my love is an ocean. perhaps I’d forgotten about how unsubtle it is. soft-spoken at first, daintily delicate, wordless— but then a tidal wave with the winds of new beginnings. one step into my heart, my beloved, you’d forget everything. all the pettiness of your yearnings melts into the ...

jupiter hangs its dreams on starry washing lines— I remind myself how you were bigger than the whole sky have you noticed the signs  did it take you by surprise? a clairvoyant sigh a fog obscuring your heart’s eyes grass so green and my summer’s fields a ripeness bewitches seasons of you and me and so dear, beloved i’m at where the airplanes leave  a silent gaze, an unkind embrace held back ‘tween the crevices of my ribcage the softest exhale. fragile, pale akin to my faith in our dreamscapes