a daylight dream

I wrote a poem the other day, about being nobody. As much as it was short and descriptive, an underlying concept resonated with me immensely. It's something that has to do with my archetype, I guess, which tempts to overly strive to stand out. I secretly enjoy being different, being somebody uncommon, taking people by surprise. I do cringe when I admit so, as it's not something I'm proud of. Such a disposition intensifies my ego's presence and does not work well in times of failure. Yet, through the happenings of this year and a couple of months before, I was least concerned with trying to leave an impression. Most of my focus was directed towards being and taking multiple leaps of faith in my own journey. It wasn't really about proving anything to anyone or trying to stand out amid the crowd, but it wasn't until that day I wrote the poem that I felt the grandness of being  nobody  at all. When I'm a nobody, I seem to forget the material world and immerse my...

I'm here to reflect on a part of my healing journey which has created so much abundance and bliss in my life, now that I'm on the other side. Moments like those make you realise how wonderful this life is when you hold on to healing yourself from limiting and unhealthy habits that eat you up on the inside. I want to say that I think I have left my restlessness behind me. What is restlessness? Well, life these days pushes us to extremes. Ambition is contagious, and we were programmed to believe that in order to reach our dreams and goals, we need to always be chasing something. In order to be successful, we need to say "yes" to every single opportunity out there, doing multiple things at the same time, always thinking of what's coming next, never stopping from a moment to reflect and rest from the climb up, to map out the right choices to make.   Honestly, I've fallen into that. I thought it was the right thing to do. I was not always a restless person, but in ...

This January came by with the intention to leave a creative legacy behind. It came with a small dream of thinking beyond the borders of my mind and overused thoughts. Little did I know that the whole of creation would be stretched before me to indefinitely explore in such a seamless, indescribable way. Oh, how could I even find the words to describe this January. It was non-judgementally self-organising, compassionate, acceptant and loving. There was little room for anguish and suffering, for there an abundant supply of awareness, open doors that welcome all there is and very little to resist. Every bubble of difficulty flowed gracefully to the surface and soared to the air, where it belonged. I guess it was a mindshift. I used to see things with a perspective that leaned towards lack, especially one that stemmed from within me. You know how much I fear imperfection and failure, but this was only since I perceived imperfection as unwholesome. Within a couple of days, I realised that im...

I expected a different scheme of events, yet still, I believed in miracles. You gave me pain, disappointments, loneliness and shame but the other side was vulnerability, love and wholeness. You made me graduate and celebrate the stepping stones in my life. You made me open my heart to people who mean the most to me. You made me confront my inner critic and fight anyone who invalidates my worth. You made me hold on to love. Thank you, 2020. January Applying to Intelligent Change in London and showing up for my heart's desires. Watching Frozen II and understanding more about the nature of who I am through the movie. Meeting my wonderful friend, Mariam, and having conversations about dreams and the trajectory of transformation. Receiving an email from Mimi Ikonn herself, thanking me for applying to Intelligent Change, which made me realise how close we are to achieving whatever we wish for. Witnessing my grandmother's death; watching her ego resist the soul's tendency to shift...

I've been experiencing a subtle, yet inscrutable feeling lately. A sensation which keeps my eyes open-wide at night when I should be sleeping. I keep trying to gulp it down, but it overflows outside of me, riveting my heart into a sparking wildfire which I cannot tame. I'm not overwhelmed for I've experienced it before. I smile at the memory, back when I couldn't sleep for several nights picturing my love manifesting into the world with the most beautiful intentions. I smile at the familiarity of this feeling, knowing that it's hereto transform me at last. How I've missed feeling this way; this limitlessness, this freedom, this inexplicable need to create, give and dream. I know what it is. This is selfishness transmuting into selflessness. This is suffering liberating itself to love and equanimous joy. This is all the difficult, afflictive days turning into ones defined by hope and acceptance for all that is about to happen, even the more challenging days. This...

I got this idea to write my future self a letter. It's bizarre, I know. But,  I want to read this letter in five years and smile, knowing that I have grown in many ways but at the same time, stayed the authentic self I have always wanted to be, just as in touch with my inner child and most dearest dreams. I want to see how much love I was able to give for myself and the world in the coming years. There is not a better time to write it down, in the midst of uncertainty, global changes and new beginnings. I poured my whole heart into this. :') Dear Soraya, I'm writing to you before the turn of the new year, on the sofa in the living room on a warm December night. I am getting teary-eyed watching you right now, so full of love, your eyes sparkling from authentic joy and unconditional kindness. You're right where you belong, my dear Soraya and you have found your home. I want to come close and give you a tight hug for opening your heart to love. It was so difficult back the...