Enrapturing Highlights of 2020.


I expected a different scheme of events, yet still, I believed in miracles.

You gave me pain, disappointments, loneliness and shame but the other side was vulnerability, love and wholeness.

You made me graduate and celebrate the stepping stones in my life.

You made me open my heart to people who mean the most to me.

You made me confront my inner critic and fight anyone who invalidates my worth.

You made me hold on to love.

Thank you, 2020.


January



  • Applying to Intelligent Change in London and showing up for my heart's desires.
  • Watching Frozen II and understanding more about the nature of who I am through the movie.
  • Meeting my wonderful friend, Mariam, and having conversations about dreams and the trajectory of transformation.
  • Receiving an email from Mimi Ikonn herself, thanking me for applying to Intelligent Change, which made me realise how close we are to achieving whatever we wish for.
  • Witnessing my grandmother's death; watching her ego resist the soul's tendency to shift to unconsciousness, watching her health deteriorate and the wheel reel of memories cross her eyes, and being there during the burial. (16.01.2020)
  • Having panic attacks from not being able to keep up with having three jobs at the same time (plus university) but then slowly learning to trust that God will ease it for me.
  • Doing spectacularly well on my examinations, especially entrepreneurship, attaining an unbelievable 100% and taking my professor by surprise.


February



  • Finally having one week of vacation after a long time, but not being able to enjoy it because of that restless drive to keep doing something, dealing with the stress of the unknown, not knowing anything about my life after graduation.
  • Witnessing spring through the merry mulberry trees. 
  • Having a little bit more time for poetry, expressing the notion of serendipity.
  • Starting my very last semester in university, enjoying the walks around campus, picking chrysanthemums and gazania, greeting my friends with flowers and a smile.
  • Starting the "Self-Learning Club" at school.
  • The endless International Business presentations, always having to craft a mind-blowing performance.
  • Realising that most times, I enjoy working and being alone.
  • Making a new friend (Toqa Samy) and having conversations about the divine.


March



  • The longer days and the sweet sun transforming almost everything dark about the world.
  • Getting better at classroom management and connecting to my learners in my weekly reading classes.
  • Having magical moments with a dear learner (Omar Gamal), watching him work hard in his research, and having empowering conversations.
  • The storm, the endless rain, our balcony flooding with water, the two-day power cut and having no water supply. The fear of it being endless, dealing with the anxiety of having to stay at home with completely nothing to do all day, sitting with my restlessness and pacing back and forth, wanting to blow up from excess energy.
  • The covid-19 lockdown and staying at home, looking to my restlessness in the eye.
  • Going for runs almost every day and walks in the glorious sunshine, watching the atmosphere clear up from the lockdown, and everything just looking brighter.
  • Having daily video calls with my sister, rambling and having fun (also, fighting).


April


  • The excessively boring online lectures but always being there on the chat to ask difficult questions and put everyone on guard. :)
  • The mulberry season, staining my face and hands by eating from the tree.
  • Making friends with a gardener and receiving pink roses for free and out of kindness. 
  • Working with Salma on her book, having video calls with my friends, trying not to isolate myself and resisting the tendency to shut everyone out.
  • Seeing airplanes in the sky and praying for a miracle to happen and get me out of Egypt.
  • Ramadan's melancholy; waking up later than usual and having walks.


May


  • Discovering the wholesale market and stocking on peaches, watermelons and apricots.
  • Making cookies for Eid. :)
  • My father's stress and trying to keep my negative feelings all inside, feeling my self-worth shatter again, and living my days in anxiety.
  • Starting an analysis of different teaching strategies to develop a holistic teaching framework, writing articles on LinkedIn and developing professionally, despite not knowing what to do with my life.
  • Anxiety and sadness at their peak and deciding to isolate myself by pushing everyone away.
  • Getting disappointed knowing that my exams would be done in July, feeling all hope of travelling whither away.
  • Starting to run again, and putting all of my sadness and frustration into sprinting and running like the wind.

June


  • Reading a book about my inner child, and realising I've been suppressing my inner child's voice by working too much and not having much time for rest.
  • Injuring my shin ligaments because of running too much, listening to my tired inner child and forcing myself to rest and not being able to walk properly for a week, then healing myself by positive affirmations and the power of belief.
  • Studying so hard for my exams, taking notes and grinding.
  • Feeling alone. Dealing with constant criticisms and negativity at home. 
  • Crying in the bathroom whenever it felt too hard to take.
  • Applying for 10+ jobs, even in Poland, and having my first interview from the school I always dreamed of working in.
  • Participating as a speaker in an International Teacher Leadership conference, talking about metacognition and making important international connections. 
  • Succeeding at my first interview, and getting recruited as a co-teacher for great compensation.
  • Doing an istikhara, fervently praying for guidance.
  • Receiving an offer from my previous workplace to take the Cambridge Diploma in Teaching and Learning, and being recruited as an English language teacher for grade 5.
  • Watching Anne with an E and feeling inspired.
  • Reading Harry Potter over and over and feeling like a kid.
  • Taking a warm bath for the first time in years.
  • An endless supply of apples, grapes and watermelons.


July

  • Standing up for myself, fighting against criticisms at home.
  • Fighting my inner critic every single day and telling it that I'm worthy enough to deserve a beautiful life.
  • The 5 am peachy clouds, northern winds and poetry.
  • Starting my examinations at last.
  • Turning vegetarian.
  • Celebrating my birthday by taking my first session for the diploma.
  • Working hard to study and preparing myself to be a full-time teacher for the first time.
  • Starting to write again, staying close to myself and my feelings, watching my self-worth grow.
  • Writing sad poetry to express all the tumultuous downs I've been through.
  • Pushing my soulmate away, yet feeling regretful and guilty. Not knowing how to say sorry. 
  • Reading "Anne of the Green Gables" with my sister.


August



  • Starting my gratitude journal again, being grateful for the things I don't have and watching them being welcomed into my live so frictionlessly. 
  • Meeting my family and cousins in Eid, and spending such a wonderful time together.
  • Saying sorry to my soulmate, feeling love pound through me again after all of this hurt and pain and walking that path of redemption. Being forgiven.
  • Meeting my soulmate after two years and a half. (24.08.2020)
  • Being vulnerable despite how painful it is. Exposing myself despite wanting to run away from my imperfections and being "real".
  • Learning about significant impacting teaching practices through my diploma.
  • Starting my first full-time job and feeling graceful, and in the right place, right where I truly belong. (23.08.2020)
  • Planning lessons with so much enthusiasm and excitement.
  • Being an A Level Biology tutor and enjoying the process of explaining ideas I'm passionate about.
  • Buying the Hogwarts letter for my sister on her 11th birthday.
  • Achieving "Excellent" with honours at university.
  • Filling myself up with mangoes. :)


September



  • Finding my own pigeon hole, the very same one I used when I was in eighth grade in the classroom I am supposed to teach in one day before the start of term.
  • Being a teacher and feeling at home, knowing that this is what I've been dreaming to do for a long time.
  • Receiving love messages from my learners and connecting to them in extraordinary ways, receiving hugs and smiles even through masks.
  • Laughing my heart out every single day at work, spending more and more time with my learners.
  • Finding my weekends dull and difficult to bear at times.
  • Pommegranate rituals, guava and the yearly date haul.
  • Spending the morning in the garden, listening to the sound of the water sprinklers, feeling at peace.

October



  • Reading children's books with my soulmate whilst the sunrise.
  • Writing a dear song "Ayla", and singing endearingly, with my soulmate. 
  • Getting myself an eye strain from researching and working for too long, but believing in my body's healing power, and getting my eyesight back.
  • Breaking my phone screen and having to deal with extreme bouts of guilt.
  • The Fable project, watching my learners create elephant trunks and parrot beaks and not being able to control my laughter.
  • My learners filming themselves acting out a part of a story, laughing my head off.
  • Starting 21st-century skills classes, "The GPS Series", which was an endeavor I aggressively dreamed of for years.


November



  • Discovering how deep breathing impacts our neurology through the Wim Hof method and feeling attuned to my body.
  • Listening to endless podcasts on quantum theories and neuroscience.
  • Going to Alexandria and nourishing my soul with the sound of the sea.
  • Watching my learners acquiring 21st-century skills, and learning how to interview people.
  • Watching The Maze Runner series. :)
  • Talking to my soulmate about my imperfections.
  • Staying away from social media as much as possible.
  • Pomegranates, guavas, dates and oranges energizing my body.
  • Meeting a neighbor on my morning walks and exchanging pictures for the sunrise.
  • Designing effective lessons for my CICTL Diploma and receiving wonderful feedback from my mentor.


December


  • The blackbirds starting to sing in the morning, filling my heart with joy.
  • Online school and laughter. :)
  • Organising a reading and vocabulary competition with my learners and watching them freak out from terror.
  • Entering the classroom one day and finding that my learners have left a love note on the board and giving them a hug despite the social distancing measures.
  • Realising that I wanted to change my life a little for the new year, and trying my best to stay conscious every single moment of the day.
  • Making friends with 5 street dogs, running with them from my place to Beverley Hills, naming them Bunny, Sunny, Joy (or Honey), Blue and Teresa. :) 
  • Playing the guitar more frequently to get in touch with my creativity. Writing a song!
  • The 'Idiom Hunt' activity in the playing ground and how fun it was. :)
  • Finally finishing writing the evidence for my CICTL Diploma, getting as analytical as possible.
  • Designing 2021's calendar :)
  • Mentally rehearsing new habits to change myself into a better person.
  • Resetting myself with introspection.
  • Feeling whole. :)

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