March: Real Ideals.

I’m quite bereaved that March is saying goodbye for it’s been such an endearing and wonderful month over here, given the challenges I faced but ultimately contrasted to the beauty in dreaming and moving past them.

One thing I’d like to pinpoint here is that I’m kind of taking a break from writing. For one moment, I got this feeling that expressing myself with a vivid introspection is a little bit selfish. I never intend to be selfish but I felt like I’m focusing too much about my own perception without considering others’. That’s why, for now, I’m spending my time listening to podcasts and shaping my mind with other people’s views and ideologies so as not to get lost in my own vision. It’s a new and needed shift and I recommend that we all just shift outside of ourselves, especially if you’re an introvert, and start seeking knowledge and other areas of growth beyond your own mind.

Getting back to March, it was a time for ideals to sprout. There was not a day in which I didn’t dream and visualise a beautiful world ahead of me. Listening to business-related podcasts, I got numerous business ideas and the path that would lead to achieving that dream of adding value to the world through a unique niche, probably education-oriented. I also now wish to travel, extensively. Sometimes I’m roaming the streets in my city and feel very grateful but at the same time, have this burning desire to catch that plane and go somewhere. Anywhere. Maybe Canada— and visit Prince Edward Island. Those are just dreams, mind me and I’m living and loving each day as if I were already realising every bit of this picture, which is the most enthralling part.

Spring is officially here, too. Here are some bits and pieces of how it’s like around here. It’s all very charming and endearing, sweeping me off my feet. It’s so much easier to be alive during springtime. :)

March was also challenging in a way. My health is seemingly deteriorating and my body is fighting something— I know it is. My body is struggling and working its way to balance but it’s a rough path. I don’t wish to say the details but, I’m going to figure it out. There were many nights in which I’d cry out of pain but the morning after is somehow better, still. One day, there will be plenty of mornings like those and I’m grateful for this challenge. It keeps reminding me how truly cardinal health is so please do take care of it. Respect your body and keep the long-term vision in mind. Whatever you do to your body now will affect it later, either positively or negatively.

Other than that, perhaps I’ve been taking living lightly, not forcing or pressuring things to work and just let everything take its time. To be honest, I have less energy to direct towards working extra hard because my number one priority is figuring my health issues out, everything else is secondary. I’ve been reading a lot, too, which makes me escape reality, helping me to run wild in my imagination, allowing me to lose myself in those ideals and parallel-universes. However, it’s not always that good to have those ideals because, I’m human and I think I’m starting to develop this idea of having two “Soraya”s in one; the perfect one that had no ailments nor flaws (the one in my head), and the human, flawed me that is still not always mindful and doing things right. It gets confusing because I don’t exactly know who the real one is. That’s why I’m not writing too much because I keep expressing my ideals instead of what’s truly real; though both are interdependent.

I’m a bit lonely these days as well, wrapped around my own visions and dreams. But, I’m talking to my dad more and more, opening up to him about almost everything. It’s a big leap of trust and faith— it seems right. I’m very grateful that April is coming around; those spring and summer months are so balmy and entrancing.

It’s okay. We will figure it out. All of us.