January's Freedom.

-

January is already over, peeps. The very first month of a new year. Honestly, I’m still astounded by how quickly time seems to fly and create all those wonderful memories. Such a lovely, grounding thought.

The thing about time is that, it makes sense when it is encompassed by memories and moments in which you truly felt vividly alive. There is a differential significance in each passing day.

So, January. Challenging yet lovely. I started my new year with the event I organised at school and it made all the difference to succeed and watch it spread inspiration like fairy dust. I can’t believe it worked, you know? I’m always so doubtful and have faith in the existence of failure, and it always chases me around wherever I go. I’m very thankful for taking the risk to actually lead a team and take my daylight dreams to the real light. January made me believe in the importance of empowering myself with those dreams of mine and doing whatever it takes to make them come true. It’s beautifully rewarding though challenging.


I experienced a minor burn out in the beginning of January. I suddenly got sick and was scared to get out of bed to head to work after spending so many days studying, planning and feeling really overwhelmed. To be honest, I wasn’t even able to study so well due to having so many things in my head and the overwhelm made me lose focus and concentration. I took that as a lesson to give myself a break and actually rest and pay attention to the needs of my heart, which lead me to spend the night reading and watching ballet. It truly made me feel alive and wonderful.

Observing the world around me, I came to believe how cardinal it is to not live according to other people’s terms; to be free and responsive to one’s conscience and intuition. A life led by other people’s opinions and standards is not a life at all. Also, I realised the importance of not judging others and not leaving a speck of thought about other people in our heads. When you start thinking about other people’s actions and neglect your own, it brings about vanity and egocentrism. One should focus on what’s essential, and in my opinion, everything that exists outside of our missions and unearthly values is not highly significant, lest allow it to make us consumed.


The weather had been insanely cold. I recall crying from cold one night. Nonetheless, I enjoyed the pristine, clear mornings. I found pleasure in watching the sun rise on the bus rides to work. I loved the still silent nights and the mornings I woke up early enough to witness the crescent, accompanied by a distant star called ‘syrma’, which glimmered fearlessly till the the sky turned blue. The dawn choruses have also begun and I greeted the blackbirds with my whole soul, thanking them for their distant melodies. But I want to tell you that the weather is exceptionally warmer, after an episode of hostile southern winds which swept us off our feet and made all the trees turn barren. Even those that still have their leaves, have turned yellow and dry, so it’s some kind of an autumn here. Now, the grass is sprouting in dandelion buds and I have actually seen the very first flowers of this year! It’s such an enrapturing moment for me. The mists crawl up to create this fertile moisture, allowing the silk floss trees to be scattered in lateral buds which will soon sprout with flowers and new things. How I truly love spring!


I learned, in January, to have faith in my heart. The mind tells me to take some decisions, to blindly take actions shot certain things yet, I know I won’t be truly happy. I know common sense drives me to reach stability and success but, my heart strives for depth and authenticity. My heart strives for purity and love. I know it’s not responsible, neither it is mature— but why can’t I leave a chance for risk and unearthliness to create magic?

In January, by the very end of it, I think I have chosen my heart over the crazy calculations of my mind. I have chosen this feeling of safety, of being at home in another’s heart. I have chosen to be patient for a dear daylight dream of mine, one embedded in sunrise stories and poetry. Life deserves to be adorned with the speculative chances that love grants so freely.

My hands are open. My heart is free of expectations and is working everyday to be loving towards itself, to be forgiving and acceptant.

Thank you, dearest January. Thank you for the love. Thank you for the freedom.

I’m so very trustful of how it will turn out to be.

Hello, February!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

airplane healing pains.

-
Image
An airplane signifies so many unknowns, so many variables, with a constant ‘ me ’. An anxious fear surges from the pit of my stomach, always questioning whether I’ll ever be strong enough to deal with the discomfort of newness. My breaths are sharp here, in the transition, heading towards the side of practical realms. I’m scared of what is left to heal to embrace my ideals. What if I’m not able to withstand the healing pains and sheddings? A few tears trickle by, summer stillness shedding, leaving me vulnerable and bare in the act itself. It’s endearing to witness and disconcerting to feel. Where will I be next summer? How would it be like to be a year older towards the person who has been gifted so many daylight dreams? I’m back to the solitude of my essence. The realisation that most of my journeying is done in darkness, pain and cycles— upon completion, they radiate a revealing light that serves and heals. But not before the transmutation, not before the healing, not before the ferv...
click to read

intentions of 2025: a foundational year.

-
Image
hello, 2025. I welcome you in my arms, receiving your brand new beginning where I can rewrite the story of my life path. here I am, a woman in so much need of something so terribly new so that I can forget everything about my past and start as someone new. yes, someone new. that is not a typo. there’s so much we need to change around here and I am onto it, make little baby steps as we slide into this year’s seasons. despite all that is there to change, I am grateful that the gift of visualising the year and crafting new intentions is not one of the things on my list. that could stay, along with creating vision boards for all of the beautiful dreams floating in the landscape of my heartful desires. I wish you could see my vision board. it involves a splash of watercolours, piano melodies, the dream of raising a kitten and starting my journey in gardening. also, a travelling spree to where there is a calling sea and perhaps, an umrah. my dreams are nascent, but their vibe are preparing m...
click to read

disappearing.

-
Image
what would happen if I disappeared for a few months, truly disappeared, and worked on internalising every beautiful, whimsical thought into my very being? what if after those few months I erupted like an everlasting blossom— glowing in peaceful reverence for life, withstanding the cruelty of paradoxes? what if I became seen, my body showing signs of a soul who has fallen in love with the humble ordinary, frolicking about the greenery with a sparkling smile that has forgotten what it’s like to fade? that is what I pray for. I pray to heal my body and heart that I truly forget what it was like to be in such pain. alas, it is earth, not heaven. still, I never cease to believe that heaven can be created on earth. I know that we as humans can transcend all futile suffering into an equanimous acceptance. my body holds so much pressure, fear and difficult memories, even if I don’t remember much of it in my mind. my body hurts, and I feel like I’m carrying mountains of fears I once felt, cripp...
click to read

forget-me-nots

-
Image
rare as forget-me-nots, found basking in the mellow light by creeks and solemn meadows, undiscovered, untempted to be of anything, of anywhere. still, they murmur a memory. the forget-me-not seeds I kept in my purse for years. their home was a garden where blackbirds and hoopoes dwelled— it was but a sacred dream. the dandelions whimper of all the wishes they keep secretly until a landing on golden grounds is sealed.   they’re wisps wrapped in silky touches of spring-air.   they talk to me. they’re not gone. poems.. songs. my broken sounds ‘neath apple boughs and midst a flower bed so serene. but I’ve let all my birds go never seeking their distant return. I’ve let them go as I let an old love die, taking me along with it. but they’re here now. my birds. my forget-me-nots, and sacred dreams.
click to read

October's summits.

-
Image
 I am going to try and be seriously strict with my monthly reflections. I remember how years ago, this was one ritual that allowed me to feel grounded and centred, committed to growing every time-bound journey. I daresay that getting myself into the habit of being introspectively eager in witnessing my development would do wonders for the strength of my soul. October was quite challenging, honestly. September was much more fleeting and beautifully filled with milestones. I was tempted and put into trials a few times, which made me feel undeniably exhausted to get back on track. yet reflections such as those sprout gratitude in me, making me realise that there had been seedlings of intentions all along. autumnal wonders it is my first time ever to witness an autumn in Europe, which is heavenly. of course, the gloomy days are ever so dark and sombre, but they are also lovely in their way of making me rejoice in glory the moment the sun comes up and reveals the stark beauty of all tho...
click to read