The Days That Have Been.

The past weeks have been quite different— a translation of a daydream. I spent some time dreaming of summer and what magic it could behold, and now I have the opportunity to make those dreams come true. It’s quite surreal and beautiful.

Of course, I’m blessed with my sister, who has matured compared to last year. We have some nice intellectual discussions now and I enjoy conversing with her about everything. We have become very intimate, despite the distance, and I am astonished that she doesn’t shy away from telling me about her deepest secrets and concerns. I appreciate the trust that has sprouted between us.

The most congenial thing this year is the way we spend time noticing beauty. In our daily walks and bicycle rides, we watch the skies, birds, trees and befriend the universe. We have picnics on hills in the park and dance beside the birches. I feel unearthly when I am with her, she makes me alive and at home. She reminds me that the love I dream about can be real, even though it’s hard work.

One triumph about these past few weeks is that I learned to demand love. Just last night, I felt detached and all over the place as I was overwhelmed with how much is happening— I barely have moments for myself, to think and create. As much as I find it delighting to fulfil everyone’s needs and take care of others, it does feel too demanding at times. Anyhow, what I did was actually ask my sister to pat my back. I was tired of having to do it by myself all the time— the pleasure I felt was incomparable. Love was pounding through me, comforting my insecurity and making me smile. I cannot fathom how fulfilling love is. I’m eternally grateful.

My sister and I also take some time learning— we watch the night sky and find planets and satellites, paint and dance. We also started taking horse-riding lessons together, and it’s of course more like a dream for her. Her dream career is to become a horse rider, and I accept it as her passion. :)

I did some blood tests, too, to check up on the different hormone levels and thankfully, my results weren't so bad at all. I only have to work on getting more estrogen into my body, somehow. Now I know that it takes time, and everything will fall into place and I'll find ways to take my health to different and higher levels. I am excited for this journey. Actually, I've been thinking of becoming vegetarian lately. I feel so much better nourishing myself with raw food. I am experimenting with it these days and will see what happens.

I don’t have any pictures for myself as I’m the one taking pictures all the time. But I don’t mind. There are so many memories attached to those pictures of nature. I’m learning more about who I am everyday. I’m trying to balance the reciprocity of love. Some days I find myself exhausted and tired, I’m trying to find ways to regain vigour.

May this life unfold for everyone in need for eyes that see what cannot be seen.