Random Happenings.
I know I haven't been posting much these couple of days since I was dealing with some issues of my own.. everything is happening so fast lately, and spring twists an ethereal beauty into my disposition and attitude towards everything and I cannot be more grateful.. the weather is captivating, the calyxes are starting to sprout with emerald-green leaflets that look so beautiful, so full of hope and youth! It's all happening so fast that the marvel I experience each day is such a simple one, one that brushes my
soul lightly, imprints a recurring joy.. one that I shall experience in the springs of my lifetime. I'm so thankful that I've been granted a lifetime to watch so many springs. :)
I've also been enjoying work immensely.. I love meeting the teachers I'm assisting and assimilating their profound experience, their pleasant teaching styles and inspiring icareers. When I'm at school, the difference those teachers make affects me lavishly, and somehow, I can't wait to be like them, to have my turn in changing the world the way I want to.. perhaps, I could be a teacher for education is such a critical issue in my society.. I want to help my country with my hopes and optimism. I have so much unwavering faith despite the agitating political environment I'm living in.
However, I'm given some work to do at home and it's somehow time-consuming and I'm not studying as much anymore. Of course, this is making me anxious and by anxiety, it means I'm fearing a consequence that has no solid logic base whatsoever. So yes, I'm afraid of falling behind my studies and getting awful grades although pure logic claims this as nonsense. I know that I am able to empower my mind a month before the exams and ace what I can, but somehow, I still give in. For a couple of days, those voices haunted my realistic perception and I found it difficult to go to bed with a clear conscience (screw perfectionism, really) and I wasn't able to enjoy my day entirely just because I thought I wasn't doing enough.
However, last Friday, after the anxiety had just crippled me with negativity, I decided to stop and let them go. I surrounded my mind with affirmations that I've got all of the time in the world, and that I'll be able to finish my assignments and work on time. I just went with the flow, passed on those nagging voices and went to watch the trees sprout, I listened to music and eventually managed to study what I had written on my to-do list. I'm learning a lesson here.. I'm realising that I'm the only one who can actually choose to believe that time can be manipulated.. my mind alone can choose to believe that time is overly adequate, as long as I'm not wasting it by neglecting the opportunities and blocking the awareness.
Another thing is, I realised that being highly sensitive and perfectionistic at the time is not that comfortable. I've been brought up to to do everything perfectly and was constantly beaten up for my mistakes. So, the mere thought of being criticised just kills me and makes me freak out. For instance, the teacher I'm assisting pointed out a mistake I made while marking the papers, and she only did so to make it easier for both of us to correct the exams. Instead of inherently accepting it, I felt awful; like I wasn't doing enough and that I was probably a nuisance. But I've got to deal with these thoughts because no matter how hard I try, I'll always make mistakes, I'll be imperfect, just like everyone else, and I want to be proud of it. I want turn my mistakes into lessons that make me more experienced, wiser and more intelligent. Work will be full of challenges and I'm sure I will never do everything correctly all at once, so this is the opportunity for me to admit that I have to let my sensitivity and idealism go in that context, and just feel free while I learn and develop passion for the possible careers I might eventually hold on to. :)
Other than that, I've been feeling good. Food is becoming my friend, although there are some bad days (like today) but once I wake up in the morning, I feel elevated. And I'm really grateful for everything. I also met a girl in college who is so similar to me in almost everything.. we almost complete each other's thoughts! I had faith that kindred spirits can be found everywhere.. I'm glad my heart is open so that I can accept new acquaintances and friendships as they come.
My faith towards the world is such an unwavering one, and I hope it accompanies me wherever I go. :)
Have a nice week!
soul lightly, imprints a recurring joy.. one that I shall experience in the springs of my lifetime. I'm so thankful that I've been granted a lifetime to watch so many springs. :)
However, I'm given some work to do at home and it's somehow time-consuming and I'm not studying as much anymore. Of course, this is making me anxious and by anxiety, it means I'm fearing a consequence that has no solid logic base whatsoever. So yes, I'm afraid of falling behind my studies and getting awful grades although pure logic claims this as nonsense. I know that I am able to empower my mind a month before the exams and ace what I can, but somehow, I still give in. For a couple of days, those voices haunted my realistic perception and I found it difficult to go to bed with a clear conscience (screw perfectionism, really) and I wasn't able to enjoy my day entirely just because I thought I wasn't doing enough.
However, last Friday, after the anxiety had just crippled me with negativity, I decided to stop and let them go. I surrounded my mind with affirmations that I've got all of the time in the world, and that I'll be able to finish my assignments and work on time. I just went with the flow, passed on those nagging voices and went to watch the trees sprout, I listened to music and eventually managed to study what I had written on my to-do list. I'm learning a lesson here.. I'm realising that I'm the only one who can actually choose to believe that time can be manipulated.. my mind alone can choose to believe that time is overly adequate, as long as I'm not wasting it by neglecting the opportunities and blocking the awareness.
Another thing is, I realised that being highly sensitive and perfectionistic at the time is not that comfortable. I've been brought up to to do everything perfectly and was constantly beaten up for my mistakes. So, the mere thought of being criticised just kills me and makes me freak out. For instance, the teacher I'm assisting pointed out a mistake I made while marking the papers, and she only did so to make it easier for both of us to correct the exams. Instead of inherently accepting it, I felt awful; like I wasn't doing enough and that I was probably a nuisance. But I've got to deal with these thoughts because no matter how hard I try, I'll always make mistakes, I'll be imperfect, just like everyone else, and I want to be proud of it. I want turn my mistakes into lessons that make me more experienced, wiser and more intelligent. Work will be full of challenges and I'm sure I will never do everything correctly all at once, so this is the opportunity for me to admit that I have to let my sensitivity and idealism go in that context, and just feel free while I learn and develop passion for the possible careers I might eventually hold on to. :)
Other than that, I've been feeling good. Food is becoming my friend, although there are some bad days (like today) but once I wake up in the morning, I feel elevated. And I'm really grateful for everything. I also met a girl in college who is so similar to me in almost everything.. we almost complete each other's thoughts! I had faith that kindred spirits can be found everywhere.. I'm glad my heart is open so that I can accept new acquaintances and friendships as they come.
My faith towards the world is such an unwavering one, and I hope it accompanies me wherever I go. :)
Have a nice week!
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