a daylight dream

"Stop your crying." "Dry your tears." "Don't cry." "Calm down." Aren't these statements we hear everyday? In every song? In every drama? For the first time, I truly understand the importance of crying although I did not decipher it at first. Holding it back and creating this overwhelmingly fake positive energy while a mind is blaring with storming sadness isn't always a good choice. It isn't always healthy. It isn't healing. The last 3 years, I've been teaching myself not to break down. My tears were some kind of sign of weakness that I didn't like to deal with for I had to spend the night concealing the sounds and yelps accompanied by those tears. To make things easier, I made a choice to hold back those strong and true emotions. To feel them inwardly. To let them reincarnate within my body and blow me up later on. I didn't understand. Sometimes I wonder why I get those episodes of extre...

Last week was pretty tough in miscellaneous ways that are too painful to describe. Let me start by saying that I didn't feel like myself; my intuition was shadowed by some kind of fear I have not witnessed before. To be honest, I had anxiety attacks on several nights on which I'd end up shaking, crying and not being able to breathe. On those nights I asked myself "why?". Why I was feeling that way? What was happening to me? What is so secretly concealed within that it rising up to the surface and changing everything? Why? Why? Why? When I'm afraid, I'm usually tense and shivery but this time, the fear was deeply embedded and it just caused me to be so overcast by worries and false identities of myself. My behaviours explained a lot; I didn't laugh nor smile, wasn't even able to hug my sister, awful episodes of emotional eating that would lead me to beating myself up the whole day and most importantly, a self-hate I couldn't control. ...

There is this fleeting moment when we are in bed, and I can imagine your breaths floating downwards, falling softly on your chest. I can hear your eyes shutting silently, eyelids fluttering with conserved energy and the blackness starting to soak our consciousness in a time too swift. The night light in the background is making an entrance every once in a while and I feel you tossing and turning, rearranging yourself on the pillows. Our feet touch; mine cold and yours warm and cosy, we feed off each other and smile. There's this time before we sleep when we try hard to resist the urge to just go blank; just a few seconds of our brains trying to review the day's occurrences in divergent lenses. Popping up, we watch them and a moment later, the blackness prevails and we no longer resist nor fight. There's this time when we feel our dreams positioning before us; a glimpse of our humanity before we fade. We see ourselves, surroundings and stimuli, we find our environment...

That's a pretty late post but I can't help it. There are so many things going on at the moment; too many vibes, moments to cherish, wounds to heal.. etc. It's has been like that in August lately. I think this month is quite impacting for everyone as it signifies endings of beautiful summer times, school work and more life chapters to finish reading. It's rather tragic to hold on to August with this longing attitude because who doesn't feel rather tempted to shed some tears as the trees start to colourise and the weather gets cooler? Doesn't it just shake you a little? Every August, I witness the life cycle in saddening airs because I tend to dwell on the hope of spring and the presence of summer. I wish I could just go back to February right now, and watch the spring all over again. I love you. But it doesn't work that way, does it? I've got to move on, shed some airport tears, go back to Egypt and work it all out. There is a fear gnawing on the...

As I mentioned in this post, I have taken a new step towards my wellness journey which I seriously started about a year ago. I have been reading endless articles about methods to calm anxiety, boost self-confidence as well as self-care rituals that would actually impact me for a long time. After watching several YouTube videos about the subject of gratitude journals, I thought I'd go for it. What happened was something like magic. What I did was: - Write out the things I am thankful for. - Improvements/expectations for the day. - An inspiring mantra. The result was that, a smile instantly formed on my face even though some days were particularly tough, especially when I had to deal with episodes of emotional eating, bouts of hormonal imbalance and moodiness. Starting my day with positive affirmations allowed me to actually live up to my expectations and actually be present, translate those affirmations into reality and make the best out of each day. One day, I was suff...

You might have noticed that I didn't really blog that much the past week. The reason was that I spent eight full days in the Bieszczady mountains (pronounced as Bieshchadee ) located in the south of Poland, near the borders of Slovakia and Ukraine. I had to tolerate numerous text messages from my phone carrier every day notifying me that I was in a different country, just by climbing a mountain or taking an alternative road route. Let me summarise my stay in one word: alleviating.

The past week, I spent my free time watching videos about online entrepreneurship through blogs, YouTube and eCommerce. You know, I thought it would be a great idea to look through methods I could use to make this blog grow and gain more audience. One tip that really captured my attention was that in order for any business, or any work in general, to be successful, it needs to target a niche market. I stopped for a moment and reflected upon what I am doing here and realised that my blog is not really focused on any topic and that struck me a little. All I am doing here is some random spikes of poetry, life lessons, wellness tips, travel photography and bits and pieces of my everyday life and emotions. That's too widespread and if I really am aiming to make blogging one of my future "jobs", I think I need to address my niche more seriously. The truth is, I am not really able to identify the topics I am so good at blogging at, at the moment. For now, I might just jou...