Approaching Summer.

-
Rainbow sunsets in Poland.

Despite the heat and scorching sun rays, I adore summer and it seems that I'm the only one in the whole country that feels that way in May. Most of the people I know are already experiencing this mild depression due to the heat, but I tend to thrive when it's hot, when there are cantaloupes and watermelons in the fridge, when swimming pools are refreshing, when clothes are light and skin is tanned. Yes, the heat waves are rather inexorable and daunting but my body feels good and I don't tend to feel so much discomfort.

Ramadan embarks on the 27th of May and I am overjoyed since I love to fast and feel my body detoxifying and releasing its toxins. I also love those simple iftar (breakfast in Arabic) moments, the thrill when you drink your first sip of water after a long day alongside some fresh hibiscus. I'm rather dazed in disbelief because I can't imagine ways to spend the long days since I wake up at 5 am every single day. Of course, I'll study but that wouldn't be enough to stimulate my energy that's why I'm planning on going for swimming and perhaps continue with some courses. I know that it will be okay, and that this Ramadan will be a blissful one, because it always is. I just wish I had the opportunity to do more good things in this world like charity and social work but unfortunately, I'm not that independent to just give away my clothes or go to an orphanage and spend the day with the kids. Perhaps one day I'll be able to do that. :)

I'm also going to see my sister this year and I'm sparked by the change in routine, spilling over this inspiring motive to make the best out of it. Yes, I'm anxious (like I always am) that I'll see my sister rather changed and that I won't be able to communicate with her as I did before, but I know I'll manage. This year had been quite challenging for me since I had to let a lot of things go in order to thrive, regain my balance and excel at work and studies, I want to consider this summer a chance to rejuvenate and celebrate those simple happy moments I usually find every single day. I want them to impact me and enrich my soul, expanding the dimensions of my life from experiences of sheer bliss to hopeless sorrow.


Lately, I realised that I don't show my emotions so often, especially when it comes to love and it's not a thing I'd like to develop. When I was with my sister, she'd hug me affectionately but I would be too afraid to hug her back as passionately, I would even discard her kisses and a sense of guilt would shower me afterwards. Love is something I want to experience to the fullest, because it's such an exhilarating feeling, one that I might have not felt when I was a child. But what's past is past, and knowing that there are people out there who love me (like my sister), I should be courageous enough to let those walls down and break free from any barriers. It's not worth it you know? Am I going to wait forever?

I know that there will be challenges and trials this summer and that's why I don't want to exactly be exaggeratedly optimistic, I'd like my my joy to be grounded by awareness to react smartly when I face those troubling situations. Yet, I don't want to castigate myself if things go wrong or when I feel hopelessly lost because in the end, everything sorts out, and the door that opens leads us to yet another realm full of other opportunities for growth.


I'm really grateful and I'm surrounded by blessings too difficult to count, that's why I'm obliged to be aware of and utilise them. My life isn't perfect, but when was ever life perfect? But I must confess that life is tailored for each and every one of us, and I must discover myself through the seams of reality, because it's where my true identity resides.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

intentions of 2025: a foundational year.

-
Image
hello, 2025. I welcome you in my arms, receiving your brand new beginning where I can rewrite the story of my life path. here I am, a woman in so much need of something so terribly new so that I can forget everything about my past and start as someone new. yes, someone new. that is not a typo. there’s so much we need to change around here and I am onto it, make little baby steps as we slide into this year’s seasons. despite all that is there to change, I am grateful that the gift of visualising the year and crafting new intentions is not one of the things on my list. that could stay, along with creating vision boards for all of the beautiful dreams floating in the landscape of my heartful desires. I wish you could see my vision board. it involves a splash of watercolours, piano melodies, the dream of raising a kitten and starting my journey in gardening. also, a travelling spree to where there is a calling sea and perhaps, an umrah. my dreams are nascent, but their vibe are preparing m...
click to read

airplane healing pains.

-
Image
An airplane signifies so many unknowns, so many variables, with a constant ‘ me ’. An anxious fear surges from the pit of my stomach, always questioning whether I’ll ever be strong enough to deal with the discomfort of newness. My breaths are sharp here, in the transition, heading towards the side of practical realms. I’m scared of what is left to heal to embrace my ideals. What if I’m not able to withstand the healing pains and sheddings? A few tears trickle by, summer stillness shedding, leaving me vulnerable and bare in the act itself. It’s endearing to witness and disconcerting to feel. Where will I be next summer? How would it be like to be a year older towards the person who has been gifted so many daylight dreams? I’m back to the solitude of my essence. The realisation that most of my journeying is done in darkness, pain and cycles— upon completion, they radiate a revealing light that serves and heals. But not before the transmutation, not before the healing, not before the ferv...
click to read

attachments.

-
Image
  in my new life, one of the most starkly noticeable changes is the evidently increasing number of worldly attachments I am chained by. perhaps it is what makes life so different. a nostalgia drapes over me when I reminisce how it was like before, having let go of everything this life has to offer. I had and wanted nothing. my soul was close to death all the time, envisioning it, embracing it. I didn’t have anything to live for— everything and everyone I loved was a bridge to the hereafter. now, there is more to live for. a beautiful home, a warmth I was starved of. an angelic kitten. a bicycle. and all those beautiful roads by the countrysides and forests. I get why Sufists let go of all worldly belongings and attachments. they do it for the world acts as a violent veil, blinding the soul from seeing Him. it’s such a treacherous enslavement, to love the world deeply but forget its Creator for a while. it hurts my heart everytime I return and remember. I wonder what it would take t...
click to read

October's summits.

-
Image
 I am going to try and be seriously strict with my monthly reflections. I remember how years ago, this was one ritual that allowed me to feel grounded and centred, committed to growing every time-bound journey. I daresay that getting myself into the habit of being introspectively eager in witnessing my development would do wonders for the strength of my soul. October was quite challenging, honestly. September was much more fleeting and beautifully filled with milestones. I was tempted and put into trials a few times, which made me feel undeniably exhausted to get back on track. yet reflections such as those sprout gratitude in me, making me realise that there had been seedlings of intentions all along. autumnal wonders it is my first time ever to witness an autumn in Europe, which is heavenly. of course, the gloomy days are ever so dark and sombre, but they are also lovely in their way of making me rejoice in glory the moment the sun comes up and reveals the stark beauty of all tho...
click to read

disappearing.

-
Image
what would happen if I disappeared for a few months, truly disappeared, and worked on internalising every beautiful, whimsical thought into my very being? what if after those few months I erupted like an everlasting blossom— glowing in peaceful reverence for life, withstanding the cruelty of paradoxes? what if I became seen, my body showing signs of a soul who has fallen in love with the humble ordinary, frolicking about the greenery with a sparkling smile that has forgotten what it’s like to fade? that is what I pray for. I pray to heal my body and heart that I truly forget what it was like to be in such pain. alas, it is earth, not heaven. still, I never cease to believe that heaven can be created on earth. I know that we as humans can transcend all futile suffering into an equanimous acceptance. my body holds so much pressure, fear and difficult memories, even if I don’t remember much of it in my mind. my body hurts, and I feel like I’m carrying mountains of fears I once felt, cripp...
click to read