a daylight dream

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So, yesterday, my dad opened up my health issues. He was kind, gentle and affirming. However, he said that I was pressurising him with how I neglect myself, malnourish my body while I'm growing and building myself up. I told him that I was okay, of at least more okay than before (that 'before' refers to three years ago). I didn't lie, but I wasn't so truthful either. I wish I were more truthful but I was afraid to burst my bubble and feel all weak and fragile again. I just nodded my head confirming his views on how sabotaging I am. Because I am . But I will fix that. Forsooth, November had been a pleasant month. The purple sunrises, the dusky plummy dusks, the ultramarine-blue skies and lastly, the crisp chilly blue winds. I love it when the winds are blue, of course they just feel blue. Some winds are yellow and sandy, blowing from the southern lands, some are maroon with heat and humidity, and some are blissfully green, subtle and rejuvenating. The blue win...

I've been quite skeptical lately about whether I actually love or not. Actually, it's been a really long time since I purely loved and showed it. I've grown afraid to hug people, even my sister, whom I cuddle without passion, without that burning warming fire erupting within my heart. It's like there is this barrier between the fantastical world of compassion inside my head and reality. Am I afraid to love? Or let me say; am I afraid to show it? More accurately, I think I never learned to show it. I love everyone around me. I have some real gallant dear friends, a supporting, responsible father, my distant, kind mother and lastly, my own joyful, beautiful sister. What happens is, I spent the whole day wishing I could just hug them tightly and show how much I appreciate them being in my life, but I'm just unable to do it. The love I behold remains within me, locked in cubicles of daydreams and thoughts. Is it because I never saw everlasting love in front of my o...

I live in a country where the educational system is pretty screwed up. It's difficult, mainly based on memorising, equipped with crammed and filthy public schools with absolutely no decent teachers and even with the dose of hopelessness around, I'll forever argue and complain about it. Because it's unfair. Unfair that millions of students have to keep up with this carelessness and the inefficiency of our government and political system. Every time I think about those families that are in need for their children to grow and learn to gain skills needed for work and money, it saddens me. 30% of students actually drop out of high school here, most of them get abusive work to help their families and many choose the wrong paths that afflict our society. Adding to this, most of the children actually going to school have no idea what the curriculum is trying to aim at. It's hopeless. Sometimes I just wonder about what's there I can do to fix things up, and how unfair it...

Hey peeps. The title does not look very indulging but I'm realistically very lethargic all of a sudden. It might be a predictable disposition since I studied a lot last week, but still, I'm not used to this state. However, I'm giving it time for my body and mind to feel okay by itself. I tried shifting from one book to another in order to stimulate my neurones but I'm still lazy and idle. It's not nice to feel that way since I have my midterms next week and I need to study. You know what I've been thinking about? I feel that I'm too ineffective. I mean, what am I doing in my life? I'm literally studying and dreaming. Sometimes I feel so out of course and that one day, I'll wake with grey hair and a weary intellect and I won't have the energy to beautify the enormity around me. I know I'm only eighteen and without fate's interruptions I might live a couple of decades yet. But who knows? What if I die tomorrow? I know I won't be sati...

It's already November, isn't it? Time is flying so fast now, I mean it's even ridiculous to compare it with last year's velocity. It's already Tuesday and in a couple of days I'll be having my midterm exams, wasn't it a few days before that I entered Univeristy in the first place? Wow. Anyway, the weather had been beautiful enough to cheer me up. The clouds are starting to get puffy and picturesque, my personality fog just disappeared and I feel me again. I shall never take contraception pills, and I don't advise anyone to take them either, although it depends how sensitive you are to them, but I already know that I'm overly sensitive and that's a lesson to learn. I've been busy studying, naturally. I don't really go out so much, I don't even have friends to hang out with, but I don't mind at all. Being too sociable actually makes me feel so restrained to agree with everyone, like sometimes I'm ashamed to be myself in fro...