twenty-six.

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today, I turn twenty-six. time passed so fast and I had spent the last six months being quite unproductive, settling in newer ways of living. I haven’t even got myself to plant some seeds, and I consider today an opportunity to do so. I am heartened by another opportunity to right some wrongs and turn a new leaf. I pray to leave those years of unworthiness and fear behind, impelling myself to step into lighter ways of being in this world, stepping into powered surrender and receiving the infinite wisdom of my soul.

at twenty-six, I pray for a heartful maturity,


find my authentic path.



this year, I intend to find an authentic path which leads me to a beloved vision I have for my future. meaning, I truly want to grow my business and learn about breakthroughs in education. there is something exciting in forging a road-less-travelled-by and at my little project titled Ecoligence, this is exactly what I am practising. yet, I cannot muster dedication and energy to build myself towards newer heights, which is what I truly miss. the dream of teaching children holistically, coaching them and inspiring them to be better versions of themselves is alluring. yet, I can see why I am unable to do that just yet for some months now.


I clearly have not gathered the soulful energy to be the best version of myself, thus I do not expect to emit that kind of radiance until I am willing to embody that intention.


I have my reasons and truly forgive myself. yet, I cannot deny how I am extremely dissatisfied with the version of myself I am today. I pray to take some steps forwards this year of my life.


heal my body.



after long months of tests, therapy and whatnot, my husband and I realised that I could have copper toxicity from my IUD device. it never occurred to me that such a device could cause depression and anxiety, but it seems that it is true. unfortunately, the removal of the device has come with complications that require surgery which of course disappointed me even more.


my body has suffered a lot this year. lack of nutrition, immense stress, anaemia and all these medications and supplements I took are memories I would like to heal. I still do not know how that path goes, still I am not sure how much it would take my body to finally step into inner peace and joy. I am scared and have lost trust in my body, that is for sure. I intend to tread with lightness and ease in my inner world as soon as I regain my mental health back. it has been debilitating to take steps forward with that crippling sadness and fear invading my body, paralysing all my dreams. I deeply want to have my health back. I intend to receive that gift.


explore the world.



with that newfound freedom, my adventurer spirit cannot wait to explore the world and travel to all of the beautiful places out there. I dream of seeing stunning cities, scenery and revel in beaches, mountains and riversides. I have missed being around such natural exhibitions as I haven’t been able to go beyond my little world because of my health. needless to say, as soon as I feel more safe and secure in my body, I would really love to try out new hobbies and experiences. I do very little with the time I have now, and I dream of doing art, going for yoga or dance, run, and maybe continue my squash training. also, the possibility of learning piano is entrancing, but that is too crippled by my anxiety which stops me from being able to meet people.


I truly want the energy to just be out there taking in the world with an open heart. I love being alive and I miss exercising that. I truly do.


honour being in a community.



so, as aforementioned, I currently have an anxiety from meeting people which makes me excuse myself from outings and deems me unable to meet even my mother. it hurts me a lot to be that way, especially that wave of fear that incapacitates me beforehand. I have also hurt, disrespected and been so rude to many people in the process, cancelling plans last minute which made my self-esteem crash. so, I hope that I get better soon and am more excited to meet people again after that “lockdown” I have created for myself. I hope to make connections, see the beauty in other souls and be present in conversations that surely bring value in one way or another. I do not think I could stop being an introvert, but I still need people. I need inspiration. I need community and belonging more than i could ever think I need.


here, those are my intentions for my twenty-sixth year. I deeply need all of the prayers in the world, because I am really not okay no matter how much I tell myself I am. I miss my soul, and it has vanished for some time. I hope this year allows me to see it more vividly once more.

going with grace in an inscrutable world.

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