Enrapturing Highlights of 2017.

-

January:
  • Getting excellent grades in my first semester exams.
  • Learning to replace negative thoughts with beautiful ones.
  • Realising that I had to trust my intuition to fulfil balance.
  • Witnessing the tragic beauty in death.
February:
  • The ‘Outstanding Achiever’ ceremony with my beautiful friend.
  • Meeting one of the most beautiful and understanding people I know today. :)
  • Watching the trees bloom and calyxes appear.
  • University walks in the beautiful weather.
  • Dandelions canvassing the side-road grasses.
  • Partially reclaiming my health back.
  • Enjoying the warmth after a difficult winter.
March:
  • Spring and all the hope it brings.
  • Flowers and trees wildly collaborating to colourise the realm.
  • Taking the teaching courses online.
April:
  • Feeling anxiety at its peaks, but learning to cope with and understand it.
  • Summer dreams and travel plans.
  • Red and pink flowers on the silk floss trees.
  • The mulberry trees turning emerald-green.
  • Peach trees in the neighbour’s garden blooming in pink and white.
May:
  • Finally meeting my school friends.
  • Picking mulberries from trees.
  • Quiet and distant family picnics amidst the mulberry and silk floss trees.
  • The silk floss trees finally shedding their red and pink flowers, scattering them royally on the grass.
  • Booking tickets for travel.
  • Iftar moments in Ramadan.
June:
  • Feeling my heart beat wildly with love, after it had been starved for years.
  • Listening to love songs in the summer nights.
  • Making promises to take care of myself and heal.
  • Discovering Mimi Ikonn’s YouTube channel.
  • Working throughout the day to kill the boredom and boost productivity.
  • Blooming golden shower and Acacia trees.
  • Travelling alone; magical airplane moments and witnessing rapture while wandering around the airport.
  • Hugging my sister in the airport, feeling my chest burst with content and joy.
  • The berries, clouds and beautiful Polish weather.
July:
  • 5 AM morning runs.
  • Discovering podcasts.
  • Teaching my sister all about ecology.
  • Realising my passion for hiking and mountains.
  • Learning to love the rain and thunderstorms.
  • Loving the plants and making friends with trees.
  • Joining WriterDesk organisation.
  • Nighttime poetry while the rain pattered on the window-sill, sleeping as my heart filled with love.
  • Making so many mistakes yet embracing the guilt and being brave enough to start all over again.
  • Taking pictures.
August:
  • The royal beauty of Budapest.
  • Getting lost in the Bieszczady mountains in Poland.
  • Keeping a gratitude journal.
  • Watching the moon and Saturn in an astronomical show through a telescope and spending the night finding patterns on the night sky, somewhere in the woods.
  • Feeling all of the mixed emotions attached to goodbyes and tolerating them.
  • Getting better at Polish.
  • Crying in the airport and the plane till there was nothing but peace within me.
  • Sunsets thousands of feet above the ground.
September:
  • Work. Work. Work.
  • Eating dates.
  • Starting university and enjoying the courses.
  • Resuming writing my story again.
  • Feeling at peace.
October:
  • Astoundingly beautiful weather and sunshine.
  • Walks to university.
  • Pomegranate rituals.
  • Poetry and love.
November:
  • Music as a relief to all of the November grim spectrum of greys.
  • Guitar practising.
  • Learning a lot about natural health through podcasts.
  • Determining my career options.
  • Growing in confidence.
  • A magical meeting with my best friend and watching a movie together.
December:
  • More music.
  • More laughter and love.
  • Losing discipline, but never giving up.
  • Never feeling lonely.
  • Reading.
  • Watching ballet and feeling it’s beauty and grace.
  • Renewing my blog.
  • Sharing some of my music with others.
  • Ending the year with a dreamy and poetical disposition, realising that I need not change or toughen up. Realising that I am actually really close to accepting myself fully and entirely.

2017 was eventful and quite impacting. I consider it a year full of mistakes and slips, but simultaneously, that gave me more room for growth. I’m grateful for every time I felt weak and vulnerable, for the nights I spent panicking out of fear, the days spent feeling gruesome in my own body from my hormonal imbalance. I’m thankful for going through it all, and having the strength to choose to move on and learn.

Most importantly, I’m grateful for the people I met this year, who never failed to make me happy, to honour my peculiarities and believe in them. I’m glad that the world has a chance to change by your existence. Thank you for everything.

I thank God for all of His miraculous omens and connections, for His mercy and forgiveness. I hope He continues to stay by my side, to bestow upon me the power to listen to His messages, to keep me on the right track.

Lots of love and best wishes for 2018. May you all find the beauty within yourselves.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

a letter to my father.

-
Image
I thought I’d be writing this to you on a different day I had visualised for years. the day I’d be free. the day you wouldn’t be here anymore and I’d have the valiance to finally scream out all my unkempt anger. this day has come sooner than I’d expected, and in different circumstances. much better than I’d hoped them to be. and I have some things I want to say. I want to tell you that you’ll always be the greatest source of hurt and pain. I hadn’t seen anyone who had hurt me and who would ever hurt me more than you. it is diabolical to how much lengths you’ve crossed just to inflict me, my mother and my sister — and my whole family — with pain that we need so much time and effort to heal. it’s unreasonable how you never listened to me despite telling you countless times that I did not feel well. it’s terrible that you’d blocked all of my attempts to talk to you honestly.  I want to tell you that you did not give me a choice but to lie to you. anytime I’d say or you’d discover the trut
click to read

Sitting With Myself.

-
Image
It’s never been so sweet to be with myself as it is now, perhaps it starts with a little bit of numbness and pain, a little bit of restlessness and confusion— but the answers always come. The answer to true rapture and love always come in time. I’ve numbed myself with so many dependencies and false beliefs. I’ve numbed and emptied my heart with the perception that there is so much to be done, that I’m not proficient enough, that I shouldn’t even try to give myself space to do something new that a sacred voice within me longs to immerse itself into. It’s profusely and perplexingly arduous to learn sometimes, especially when it comes to what I devotedly care about, like teaching and being with children and painting and singing. The experience is turned into a challenge so harrowing to start and keep it up when my critical voice keeps finding excuses to not even try. The hardest time for me is perhaps when I come back from work. There is this sinking sensation the moment I step inside, it
click to read

a goodbye’s grief.

-
Image
there are only hours left, and the only thing I want to keep doing is stay invisible. stay in the gloaming silence of being out of reach. slipping away smoothly, making no sound, till one day I’m just not here. I keep telling my learners “ you won’t feel it when I leave ”. one day, they’ll be here again, and I’ll be gone.  my name will be a distant echo in the daylight sunshine. something to remember slightly. a remembrance that never lingers, I hope. I just wonder what could have happened if I had been more prominently alive in this world. just imagine how it would be if I could hear and feel every single heart tear apart at the thought of me leaving. how grateful I am that my presence had always been fleeting, almost incomprehensibly inexistent. with this subtle existence, it still hurts, tremendously so.  I’ve always dreaded goodbyes. it’s never been that difficult as it is now.  I’ve said goodbye to every single tree I love. every single cloud. why am I tearing is what I don’t know
click to read

Enrapturing Highlights of 2023.

-
Image
alas, it is the last day of one of the most challenging years of my life: 2023– a pyramidal year. I’m posting this as the fireworks blare across the frosty skies of a town I love with all my heart, my heart breaking in infinite gratitude for this pyramid and the climb it mercifully granted. it’s been pyramidal, that’s true. it took me to the ground to face the truths of my foundations, making me battle so much of my memories to finally be honest with myself and clip off all that I don’t need to move forwards with. that meant clipping off and dusting away my own father from my life and choosing to stay with people who I know love me dearly. it’s been traumatic, and I’m still recovering from the aftermath, but I’m on my own now, and this is my pyramid. this is my life. my memory is a little bit blurry now after all that has happened. I don’t remember much but the incessant pain, but I’ll do my best to reflect on the happenings of each month.  vehemently, all I return to is utter disbelie
click to read

a letter you never read.

-
Image
these are words I’ve kept hidden within me for so long now. as I reflect midst the snow, and the aftermath of the most delicate and elegant storms, I find myself right in my heart again able to speak my truth. now that I’m here, wondering how it all happened when I never knew love would be anything but you. I’m not sure what happened, I’m not sure where I’m going. all I have are these prayers for guidance and the relentless climb and oath to never sell the very essence of who I am. I’m free now. I’m actually free. it tastes so splendidly enchanting. I can freeze to death in this cold and sing in the snowflake-laden roads in romanticism so loud, so pure, so enlivened by His remembrance. I’m free now and I’ve never been so..  happy? I just want to tell you that I wish you fought for me a little harder. I wish you knew how much your disappearance hurt no matter how much I kept forgiving. did you need me to scream at you to understand? how much I needed you to lose and risk your life for m
click to read