a daylight dream

January: - Had fun studying for my A level exams. - Witnessing this indescribable happiness when my best friend got this High Achiever award. February: - Went to Casablanca, Morocco. Made a new friend and never stopped singing. - Nearly fainted from joy when my best friend got to meet Bill Gates in NYC. March: - Lost only 7 marks in my A level exam; which kind of made me really happy. - Gave this speech to fifth graders about how nature teaches us to give. - Spring came, and with spring comes bliss. :) April: - Started playing ballet at home, instead of stressing myself out with jogging. - Watermelons. Watermelons. Watermelons. May: - Wrote the graduation speech, which required some inspiration and magic. - More watermelons, peaches and apples. June: - Graduation day. - Ramadan iftar moments. July: - Being a child again with my sister. - Nature in Poland; the rain, the sun, the clouds, the forests and quaint towns. - Vienna's melodious, classical and antiqu...

It's been a beautiful month, and I can't think of a more beautiful way to end 2016. It's been a tough year for me, to be honest, and challenging in a queerly ungraceful way, when things just go wrong everyday and you're resisting the temptation to sulk and feel bad about it, and think of all the other blessings you've got, but to no avail. 2016 was a year of resistance, and a lesson to learn in between. I learned that anxiety and fear usually lead nowhere, and sometimes you've got to be strong and courageous enough to resist the fear and stand up to it. Sometimes the better option is to just remain feebly hopeful and trustful to the earthly balance and patiently wait to see how things work out in the end, because they do, all the time. Maybe the worst thing about the wait is that we are biased beings, and you cannot just separate your emotions and block out those nudging moments of disbelief and desperation. But I learned to accept them instead, and just li...

Oh so the final season is creeping up on us, isn't it? It doesn't have to be a lame season, to be honest, whoever you are; whether you're a hard worker, a successful procrastinator or a just-pass student. I think the reason we fret and stress is that we never organise our time PLUS never put genuine effort into what we do. So here are some tips to help you prepare and hopefully do your best in your final examinations.

I'm letting go the yesterdays and tomorrows roaming in my mind right now and just focusing on today, although today is a concussion of the consequences of yesterdays alongside the fears and the hopes of tomorrow. It's okay, we are all biased. It's the partiality that makes us more human, anyway. I'm currently a bit surrounded by torpidity and the lethargic winter airs that hover my body in the evenings, locking my body with an icy sheath that rattles with every movement, making me sit in bed and daydream. I dislike winter for this, dear world, it never fails to just grasp my energy and ferment it in bluish methods, that makes me smell mould, sense the toxins, see only the ordinary, and hear the ticking seconds of time, and the sounds of my head that nag me saying 'you gotta be more productive.' But that's okay, I guess. It's how my body responds to winter, and I was built to be a sunflower, I guess, moving towards the light rays that are ever so fai...

A few years ago, you'd hardly recognise me standing in the middle of a group of friends, making them laugh hysterically, lively telling stories and listening actively to everybody. I considered myself social; I craved outings with my friends despite the fact I had minimal chances of going out with them and I would even cry at night when I would see my friends enjoying Thursday nights while I was at my desk, surrounded by books. How did I turn into such an antisocial person who is extremely anxious when around people? I mean, I wouldn't be fretful around my intimate friends but still, I'm not that person I was before. I mean, even around the friends that I've been with for almost ten years, I feel so distant, so unworthy of their friendship. I always  envision myself as the lame, boring girl in the gang who has absolutely nothing to say just because she is afraid to say something you won't find amusing. I regard myself as disliked, or more precisely, least like...

I realised, how royal the imperfections draping our bodies were. Here you are, touching my bare skin, your eyes radiating a love so warm and so sparkly that it makes my heart glow and it kind of numbs the pain you cause me, with both of our skinny bodies, bones laying on bones. My insecurities pop up in my mind every once in a while, my body too bad in shape, my breath not fresh enough, and the way I probably look when you're gazing at me in that elevated angle. I know I look awful, but you're smiling, and your white teeth just look so perfect that I wonder how anything can be so beautiful. My heart is beating wildly, and my cheeks are turning crimson with pure, crude joy. I love you. I love you so much. And perhaps I added too much salt in dinner today, misspelled the word 'desert' while I was in class and most probably, you forgot to straighten the tyres of the car while parking, didn't brush your hair properly before work.. and then I wondered, with all these...