how to truly love.

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 and there are days on which you won’t love me well. the most mischievous smirk would lie on your face for hours. a smirk of getting what you want, of feeling that intimacy of the world lying down your feet in divine worship. there will be days when your control will be everything your eyes will see. and there won’t be me.

there will be days when my love will be harsh on your heart. a kind of poetic discard. my eyes will search for His light in yours. there will be days when I won’t see it anymore.


and I’ll slide off towards the frost in isolation, feeling the brokenness of being with you. the push and pull. the never enough. the heights we won’t always know how to reach. the seeing of me in me when it should be only you my heart trusts in times like these.


and it will hurt. I’ll know how to hurt you. and you will know too. you’ll know how to hate me so much that it pins me to the ground. and from the words I don’t believe to the silence of deathly tombs, I hope my heart beats just for you.


I don’t know why I’m here. I don’t know what to trust. I always choose the hardest way to be in love. I choose the way that never stops climbing up.


and how to truly love? I do not know. sometimes I search in your eyes for that glimmer and never find it, despite you knowing what I’m looking for. you hide it so that I don’t need to search or try. to receive it in gentleness and at ease. to trust your arms when they’re cold. to feel your sting against my bones.


and how to truly love? to turn to Him is the formidable part.

going with grace in an inscrutable world.

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