will you ever be afraid of me?

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I was born into brokenness, and in brokenness.

My first memories of this world were very dark and I did not impart unconditional happiness upon my arrival.


I was born into fear and in fear.


My memory was clouded by the earthly responsibilities of childhood and adolescence. My soul and heart were forgotten, and I remained in the haze of transition for a very long time.


But then the speck of light in me awakened as I grew, and I have reclaimed my light upon all the brokenness my life was built upon.


I could even muster the words to say that I am afraid of myself, of the power of love in me— how it annihilates everything I’ve been through and binds all dimensions into one timeless, spaceless nothingness. 


I could navigate my fear of myself, sometimes on my own, and sometimes I’d need your eyes. But will you ever be afraid of me, my dear one?


Will you ever be afraid of my light that I cannot begin to contain?


Will you ever be afraid of being received by me, in all your brokenness and humility? To be so fully naked in togetherness, gazing at our deepest shames right in the eye?


Will it ever weaken you to face the love between us? The enormity of it— the bewildering burden it adds to our souls to speak, be their truth, be their wholeness, be everything they are and nothing at all.


Oh, I am scared, too. I am scared of faltering, scared of failing, scared of bursting into tears in the face of transformation.


And I don’t know, but I also know. I know my love is home, and it’s healing, and it has been gifted ease and intensity at the same time, and it is for the brave at heart. It is for the warrior of light.


And so if you are afraid, I see you, and I receive you with my love. Here, be innocent, be what you deny. I’ll bring you back the memory of all you’ve lost.


Hold my hand and we will find what we’ve lost, and we will never have to be afraid for too long, for love will dissolve us and all the fear we were born into.

going with grace in an inscrutable world.

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