a daylight dream

I expected a different scheme of events, yet still, I believed in miracles. You gave me pain, disappointments, loneliness and shame but the other side was vulnerability, love and wholeness. You made me graduate and celebrate the stepping stones in my life. You made me open my heart to people who mean the most to me. You made me confront my inner critic and fight anyone who invalidates my worth. You made me hold on to love. Thank you, 2020. January Applying to Intelligent Change in London and showing up for my heart's desires. Watching Frozen II and understanding more about the nature of who I am through the movie. Meeting my wonderful friend, Mariam, and having conversations about dreams and the trajectory of transformation. Receiving an email from Mimi Ikonn herself, thanking me for applying to Intelligent Change, which made me realise how close we are to achieving whatever we wish for. Witnessing my grandmother's death; watching her ego resist the soul's tendency to shift...

I've been experiencing a subtle, yet inscrutable feeling lately. A sensation which keeps my eyes open-wide at night when I should be sleeping. I keep trying to gulp it down, but it overflows outside of me, riveting my heart into a sparking wildfire which I cannot tame. I'm not overwhelmed for I've experienced it before. I smile at the memory, back when I couldn't sleep for several nights picturing my love manifesting into the world with the most beautiful intentions. I smile at the familiarity of this feeling, knowing that it's hereto transform me at last. How I've missed feeling this way; this limitlessness, this freedom, this inexplicable need to create, give and dream. I know what it is. This is selfishness transmuting into selflessness. This is suffering liberating itself to love and equanimous joy. This is all the difficult, afflictive days turning into ones defined by hope and acceptance for all that is about to happen, even the more challenging days. This...

I got this idea to write my future self a letter. It's bizarre, I know. But,  I want to read this letter in five years and smile, knowing that I have grown in many ways but at the same time, stayed the authentic self I have always wanted to be, just as in touch with my inner child and most dearest dreams. I want to see how much love I was able to give for myself and the world in the coming years. There is not a better time to write it down, in the midst of uncertainty, global changes and new beginnings. I poured my whole heart into this. :') Dear Soraya, I'm writing to you before the turn of the new year, on the sofa in the living room on a warm December night. I am getting teary-eyed watching you right now, so full of love, your eyes sparkling from authentic joy and unconditional kindness. You're right where you belong, my dear Soraya and you have found your home. I want to come close and give you a tight hug for opening your heart to love. It was so difficult back the...

I get this inexplicable feeling whenever a year comes to an end, a feeling that is hard to define. Carrying the weight of a whole year on my shoulder, it feels strange to start a new one being the same "me". I believe that change is a blessing, and with every new year comes the opportunity to intend for something different to happen; different experiences, different lessons all leading to personal growth and fulfillment. Most importantly, joy . This reminds me of December 2016, when I was sitting on the balcony in the feeble morning light, begging the world for anything to change. I had just started university and it felt like something was missing. I didn't feel like I belonged. I felt that a part of my heart was longing for something, and it wasn't here. I had nothing to do but just intend for that experience to happen. I intended the new year to bring forth a way to make me grow. Just a few days later, I received news that got me a job, and with this job, I found m...

The more I try to contemplate my intentions for 2021, the more I remember how the past year has been, and how it swept me off my feet like some kind of stormy wind. Still, the practice is worthwhile. Despite 2020 being one of those most tumultuous years, miracles did happen in the very end. It was patience, gratitude and this strife to become the creator of my life that paved a way for miracles to unfurl. I keep thinking of how I personally want to grow. I’ve tried to grow and stem in endless ways; make many friends, be sociable, be more vulnerable and open to heartfelt conversations— yet those did not quite resonate with my path. I keep thinking of what my journey truly needs and it pinpoints to grace and authenticity, through every decision I have to make or turn in the road I’ll have to take. Grace— oh how wondrous is this ease that flows with equanimity; being soaked with torrential rain yet deciding to honour the soft feeling on the water in my skin. For me, this is grace. It’s th...