a daylight dream

Recently, I turned inwards and felt this void. A space in a container that was once so full and overflowing. I realized that it's been a very long time since I felt  like I truly stand up for something. Maybe it's because lately, all I did was really focus on my mistakes and the endless ways to improve, which made me lose sight of what I'm actually working for. I've always been an activist, ever since I was as child of twelve. I used to colour flyers that had quotes to protect our environment, then I was a protagonist campaigning for health and nutrition, then came student fulfillment and the holistic approach in education..  but now what? Of course, at heart, I'm still an advocate for environmentalism, natural health, conscious living and education. Yet, the passion has subsided and it felt like I was working a little bit too far behind a truly clear ideal. This pang of a warning allowed me to think back and analyse everything I have been observing in...

I have always believed that the little moments were the ones to most cherish for the astounding way they make us feel fulfilled and alive. However, I don't know what happened that made me quite focused on attaining the bigger things and trying to perfect my own character which kept me off-track. Back again to my true self, I can inherently declare that it is the little things that allow us to experience sheer joy and content. It's not the goals we reach, it's the journey we decide to embark, which constitutes the little habits that we carry out every single day.   We always want to change to the better; to be more graceful, kind, loving and grounded. There's no better way capturing this than quietly thinking about what we are truly grateful for. I have some goals, many actually. I am quite future-focused (which is not always a great thing), but it occurred to me that I'd rather enjoy the journey towards my ideals, chasing them with fulfilment, love and p...

      One part of healing that brings guilt into the victims’ souls would be the attempt to break free of the invisible chains that are tightened around their necks. The numerous times you will think that you are truly healing , evolving and changing would be the most times you feel vulnerable. They are occurring    when your eyes prickle with tears and maybe you can’t hide it , it’s not like you can control it . They occur when your body starts reacting in the sight of the abuser, the shaking, the jittering and it’s like a bucket of ice water was splashed on you.               At that moment, you start mastering the art of composing yourself, to hide your anxiety behind a forced smile or a quick action . It takes a toll on you, mentally and physically, yet you should feel proud for resisting the trauma bond that the abuser seem to use as a weapon. That the narcissist would use to validate their actions and try to...

We picked our room to face the east, just like we have planned it out in our dreams. We pictured the light blue walls and satin curtains, allowing the crimson sunlight to welcome the royal shade of our walls, bit by bit, till they turn blazing enough to wake our eyes. Also, just like the dreams of our youth, we eventually ended up together, close enough to share the perfection of sunrise with such inexplicable intimacy. As soon as you open your eyes, you can't help but look to the right, in anticipation to the smile you've always been waiting for. The smile of our very first sunrise story, my dearest one. We have depicted so much in words and make-beliefs, but this is ever so real and enchanting. I open my eyes, too, but this time, it's not the sunshine that captivates me. It's  you . It's the mere thought that I can immerse my soul into the grace of our companionship. It's the very notion that I'm able to extend my hand this time and find your ...

            Did you ever a see a devil in the form of a man before ? Did you ever felt that you are lost , more like hypnotized to follow orders of a certain individual? Well this certain individual is the devil himself , he is the narcissist , he is a killer on the loose searching for souls so he can suck the life out them. I meant that figuratively and literally.             Most people have no clue that they could have many narcissists in their life , those who prey on their kindness , love and care. Those who feed on their insecurities turning them into nightmares, making themselves judges responsible to make you suffer. Those who whisper the words to say instead of you thinking about them, those who manipulate you into thinking that “they built you “ , that they “fixed you”. They turn you into silhouettes, puppets in their hands according to their own benefits of course. They define love as a bitter...

Did you ever hear about storks? Well, I'm sure you've seen them before. They're white, with huge wings and quite a tall, elegant neck. Their beaks are long enough to dig for worms in the ground and it has been told that storks symbolise the arrival of children or life. I'm pretty close to storks because they're quite popular in Poland and are even national symbols. I've grown quite attached to them in quite a peculiar way and that's why I'm actually starting this post mentioning them. You see, storks are migrating birds. Every April, I expect a call from my sister and dozens of pictures in celebration of the arrival of storks. When I go to Poland and drive with my family out of town, we always pass by a huge stork nest and it has become a ritual to open the windows and scream "Storks!" and then ridiculously count how many we see up the nest. Sometimes we would find babies, sometimes adults, other times we wouldn't see any so would c...

      I stand helpless , as I find myself handcuffed by tight ropes and every time I struggle I end up hurting myself more. My surroundings create a more nerve-racking reason to tick my aura off into anger, like a furious beast hunting its next prey. The memory of all that happened seem to recollect itself back into my mind, as I allow myself to get lost into the dark path down memory lane.              The lesser my resistance and faith in myself, the less strength I can gain from this prison. The more I feel my soul drowning in the ocean of pain. The deeper the sting I feel , as I try to free myself, the more I lose hope in ever regaining my grace again. As the time passes in this captivation, the more I realize that my mind is playing tricks on me.                  The higher the rage I endure , as I feel the shame and pain of the situation I am in. The memories I have doesn’t m...

Tomorrow, I'll be starting my second (for the year) and final semester in university, which is quite different. I can't believe I have finished four years of university already, and a part of me doesn't want this phase to end because it was beautiful. A little bit rough, challenging and demanding, but there was beauty entwined  with it all. Personally, my favourite part of university is that I was a dedicated learned. Every day was an opportunity to learn something of my choice. I'm not talking about my university courses, it's rather the way learning was incorporated into the structure of my day. I'm a learner at heart; take that away from me and I'll wilt and whither. I've noticed how lifeless I feel when work gets too demanding and there is no chance to learn something new outside of it. I get stuck in an endless circle of monotony. That's why I'm taking my intentions for the last semester quite seriously. Yes, I believe it wi...

      The scenery standing before her , the deep blue ocean, the sailing ships closer to the edge of the earth , carrying on a pursuit of their own. The sound of the crashing waves creates a feeling of calmness and relatability , as this is the unspoken sensations roaming her spirit. With each step she takes towards the edge of the mountain, her mind gets comfort from the insanity and the possibility that this could be her last step.     However, it seems that in these little moments her mind created a safe haven for her to roam in wildly, to outshine the expectations of herself before others. As she wraps herself up in a blanket, as the breeze makes her hair flow, as her hands touch the little delicate flowers around her . She finds herself sane, happy and thoughtful. She finds herself infuriated with power that is limitless to the stars in the sky. She finds herself enjoying more and more the simplest moments that glue her together.      ...

22.01.2020 Some moments in life were meant to be captured, not by memory, but by love. Some moments were meant to be shared by grateful hearts and eyes open wide, looking out for magnificent glimpses around us. And as the year begins, I can step out into those wide streets with a designed air of wonder and curiosity, wondering how twists of fate shall unravel themselves before our very own eyes. I remember the first spring we shared together. I remember how I slowly revealed to you the beauty I saw in it, and how your heart opened so vastly to take it all in. I remember you marveling at the little buds sprouting beneath your feet, bathing under the sunshine and watching the sun dawn a little bit earlier each day. I remember you sharing a bit of every bird-song you hear with me, and I recall how alive I felt, watching the yellow flowers dance confidently before me, and I twirling around in the infant daylight, in love with the universe. But that was a while ago and we are...